bluegiant

I buy my new computer chair. I pay postage. I come home last Friday to find a card saying that Parcelforce tried to deliver it at 1310, but no-one was in. NO SHIT SHERLOCK!! What is the FRICKIN' point of running a residential delivery service that only delivers between 9-5 Mon-Fri when most residents are at work?

'Please dial this number 0800......'

I dial this number.

'Welcome to Parcelforce.'

Or as I have dubbed it, 'Welcome to the "Robotic Bitchfaced Cowbag FUCKPIG!!!" experience.'

The autovoice asks me for a delivery number. From the card. The card that doesn't HAVE a delivery number on it.

It then asks me with EXCRUCIATING slowness fro my name and address, ending each step by repeating the information back to me and asking, 'Is this correct?' However, because it seems to have difficulty with recognising the word 'Yes' (odd cause it recognised my address okay) it asks me again...and again...til I am screaming down the receiver 'YES!! YES!! FUCKING YES!! JA!! DA!! OUI!! FUCKING YES YOU USELESS TIN PIECE OF SHITE!!!'
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'Thank you.'

*whimper*

I FINALLY ask it to deliver my chair to a local post-office so I can pick it up there. This involves ANOTHER 5 minutes of human-HAL interaction ("Give me my chair HAL." "I'm sorry Michael. I can't do that right now. I have the utmost enthusiasm for the mission Michael. Michael. Michael. What are you doing Michael? Would you like me to sing you a song?") which results in me deciding to claim it from the post office in the town centre on Tuesday (today).

I get home yesterday to find ANOTHER card from Parcelforce. "We came today but you were out."
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BASTAAAAAAARRRRRRRDS!!!!

So this afternoon I tried to phone my local post office to see if my chair was there for me to collect. I dial the number in the phone book; 08457.......
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'Welcome to the Royal Mail.'

OH YOU Robotic Bitchfaced Cowbag FUCKPIG !!!