bluegiant

Okay, it's been a while since I posted. Been spending a lot of spare time in Canterbury with my girlfriend....or rather, now my ex-girlfriend.

Tell me something...am I physically repulsive?

I could do with losing a little weight, I know. I'm 38 and like beer.

I have eczema, but it's not a major thing and normally well under control.

So, the two of us have been seeing each other since early December. We talked of moving in together, but she got cold feet, so I left the subject by. Then a few weeks later she and her son bring the subject up again (8 years old, sweet kid, loves Darth Maul, General Grievous and Dr Who) and ask me to move in.

So, I take the last couple of weeks off work to sort out the move and stuff. I give notice on my flat, I put in a transfer request to the Canterbury office. Then, a week last Monday, Faye decides that, because her neighbours are such a bunch of skunk-addled arseholes, she wants to move to a new place. So I decide to delay my move for a month so we can get a place together. She asks me to stay there for these two weeks because of her shitty neighbours. "Sure. Of course I will."

From that night onwards she hasn't slept in the same bed as me. Initially because "I've got cystitis and I'm run down and need to rest", then "I've got a kidney infection and I need to rest", then "Your snoring keeps me awake. I can't sleep in bed or I'll be useless at work tomorrow." (Oddly enough, it's never been a problem with anyone else.)

Any time I try and make a slight move towards any kind of intimacy like a kiss, a hug, or even sitting next to her on the sofa she had taken to sleeping on, she pulls away because "...I'm going to sneeze", "I've got something in my eye", "I've not cleaned my teeth yet", "I've not had my coffee yet", or she calls her large hairy black dog onto the sofa, which I am allergic to, and sits it in between us, listening to me wheeze and gasp until I concede defeat and go to bed.

I've told her several times that I'm feeling, to say the least, a little rejected. I get the nasal strip things to help with my snoring (which isn't helped by the breathing problems caused by her letting the dog sleep on the bed). But apparently, I'M being unreasonable.

After two weeks of this, I wake up to an empty bed again (last night we were all watching TV when she suddenly puts her son to bed, switches the light off whilst I'm still in the room, gets the dog-covered duvet and starts to go to sleep on the sofa, not a word to me, like I'm not actually worth acknowledging), and I think to myself "No! Not anymore!" So I start to get my gear together when she comes into the bedroom and asks me if I'm alright. "Not really. I can't carry on like this, it's ridiculous." "I agree." she says. "I'll take Xxxxxx out for a while. Could you pack your stuff and go" I'm already way ahead of her on that score.

So all my clothes go into a couple of packs, my food-mixer in a couple of carrier bags, my DVDs, my inhalers... and I go.

And yet, apparently, it's my fault.

These last couple of weeks have done nothing for me but send my already rocky self-image into a major nosedive. I mean, how the fuck is one supposed to feel when ones girlfriend decides not to sleep with next to you?

What is wrong with me??