blueeyedangel

Been thinking alot about selfishness and what can I do if anything about it. I have been wrestling with somethings about a relationship I am in right now.

I find myself wanting to be selfish and end it now even though she is the most wonderful person I have ever dated. She treats me so nice and is so loving and we are a great match in so many ways but I cant reciprocate her feelings of love, I have tried.

Am I just trying to run away cause I am scared shitless of comittment? It sometimes is hard to sort ones feelings out and sometimes I cant trust them because I know they come from my past experiences of being hurt by others.

So anyways I am in a spot where I feel like I am faking it in our relationship. I have to deal with the fact that my selfish act of wanting to break up and choose my happiness is going to make someone else unhappy and very likely hate me since I have given her no clue as to what I am feeling for the last month or so. I sincerely dont want break her wonderful heart. The longer I wait the worse it will be, usually I can get a girlfriend to dump me in a about 2 weeks but this one is head over heels for me and would take too much hurting to shoo her away. I wish I could just get a job in another state or country.