bluedogdays

i was going through boxes of all my old crap today and came across some journals and papers from exactly 1 year ago. i know that most of you don't know me very well (or at all) but so much has changed in my life since then. 1 year ago today i was checking someone into the hospital for trying to kill herself. and i am finally today able to say that i don't blame myself in the slightest anymore. i feel like i've changed quite a bit in this 12 month span. i got back together with the one that i really wanted to be with. i got engaged. i realized who my true friends are. i decided what i wanted to do with my life. i battled severe depression. i worked at a summer camp to get away from everything and concentrate on people other than myself. i realized that sometimes you can't survive by yourself, and need to be able to let others in and be able to depend on them. because i was scared, i lost that person who meant everything to me. i finally talked to my mom about what was going on with me. i moved back home to live with my parents after 5 years in kalamazoo. which brings me to now...
all of this shit has happened for a reason. and through it all, i've learned a lot about who i am. i'm posting this now because i never used to be one to talk about myself. i'm still not, i'd much rather hear about you. but i'm trying to be honest and open with people because i've found that things start to take form and make more sense once you've said them out loud, and talking about things with others can make you think about things in a way that you wouldn't have before. so, yeah. that's that.
i just got home from hanging out w. adam and brenda. mrniceguy and missbernie, if you will. i totally just wanted to sgname-drop right there. i'm excited that brenda's moving out here- i forsee many drunken nights...
anyway. i'm off to bed. or not. i always have good "getting offline" intentions... but it just doesn't seem to work out that way.
g'nite y'all.
xoxoxo.