blossy

I finally caught up on sleep. I've been so tired lately, but it's been for a good reason, spending time with a certain someone who makes me all nervous and jumpy and my pulse just flutter and then speed up.

I am happy, there are things that are not happy spots in my day or whatever; and sometimes I just vent about how my husband is an ass; however all in all he's awesome. A very wise and sweet lady told me recently that I see the worst of him because I live with him and am around him all the time; this is true. We *all* see the worst of our partners; but we also see the best of them. It's easy to forget that and just dwell on the shite; I'm working on seeing how awesome he truly is to me. I'm in love with this man, and I can't help but be that way. We were each others one and only for about 11 years of our 14 year relationship; then, he fell in love with another woman. He's never gone out and "done his own thing." We started dating at the age of 17 and I was the first person he'd ever kissed romantically and we exchanged v-cards and all of that. Six years later we were married.
He's the only man for me in this world and I know that. If things don't work out and we do end up divorced, men just aren't my thing. I think I always knew there would be a moment of human weakness from him in regards to fidelity; I never expected it to happen while I was still in love with him nor did I expect it to happen after we'd agreed an open relationship would work for us. To his credit, he didn't sleep with her while he and I were living together no matter how hard she pushed for it. He left me one week after our 7th wedding anniversary, gave me no real reasons for going, but I knew she was a driving force. He wanted to see if he could have a relationship with her; he didn't leave me completely, he would come to dinner and do dates with me while they were together. He kept his options open, which annoys me; however none of the three women he slept with last year were the woman he wanted to keep in his life as anything more than a friend. He lied to me about sleeping with two of them and that tells me he didn't respect me, that hurts. Some days it feels as if he still doesn't respect me; but we're working through that. His awesomeness knows no bounds though; it's hard sometimes to see it and I have to stop trying and there it is like a hummingbird in my hand, so vibrant and alive it makes everything around it seem still.


I have stated I am in an open relationship and started my blog with a reference to this person. The other reason for my happiness is that I've found someone here who makes me completely, ridiculously twitterpated. She's so awesome and sweet and gorgeous and amazing it's hard to put into words exactly how much fun I have when I talk with her. I've spent a few days wondering how someone I find absolutely amazing in every way also feels the same about me. I do this with my husband as well. I wonder how this happened, how did I get this lucky? She's not perfect...but to me she is. -happy sigh-