Last week's fat positive blog is one of my all time favorites however I think this blog needed a follow up so here it is.
I was asked to answer a question about acceptance of myself while making healthy choices. The balance I find between acceptance and knowing I need to make healthier choices in some arenas of my life is simple. I love me for who I am and how I look *is* part of me. Making a choice for health over comfort, even a choice that could alter how I look doesn't truly change the part of me that really matters, my personality. I am not going to become more or less beautiful simply because I made a choice for health; but I could become less healthy if I chose comfort over health. If I am always stating how healthy my doctor says I am and then I am *not* making a choice to become even more healthy have I *not* then become a hypocrite in choosing my appearance over health since I refute people's "this is for your health" arguments with "well, my doctor says I am much healthier than 75% of the truly thin women who walk through here every day and munch on junk food constantly."
I look at the subject of my weight/size in a very objective manner simply because I spent so many years beating myself up about it. I came to the realization one day that I *had* to stop doing that or I would lose me in that fight. I would lose the upbeat, cheerful, outgoing, narcissistic, generally happy to be alive person I am to the self loathing, depressed, creepy, weirdo who spent all her time just wishing miserably that she could be anything she was not at that moment. For awhile, I actually did lose me for the second person I've described.
I realized one day that I had become a hypocrite. I am not unfeeling and I love my friends but whenever one of them would have something happen and it was fixable and they would just whine to me about it I would basically be like "This happened? You know the solution? Get your ass out there and fix it." Simply because that's who I am. I was a hypocrite because I would sit and feel sorry for myself and how I'd come to look rather than actually stop eating like shit or stop shoving so much food in my face I would physically hurt afterward. I had not stayed true to myself.
As I said if I am constantly stating how my doctor says I am healthier than 75% of the skinny women who walk into his office and am using that to show that being fat isn't necessarily always about being unhealthy then if it comes down to a choice between acceptance and health isn't taking the healthier road really the only option? In doing so I will accept myself even more for refusing to compromise and become that hypocrite who would expect anyone else to make the healthy choice simply because it is the solution to the "problem." Accepting myself for who I am right now, does not mean there isn't room for improvement and I think that is important to remember.
Oh and Miley Cyrus song or not...this song pretty much sums up how I feel about this in some ways.
I was asked to answer a question about acceptance of myself while making healthy choices. The balance I find between acceptance and knowing I need to make healthier choices in some arenas of my life is simple. I love me for who I am and how I look *is* part of me. Making a choice for health over comfort, even a choice that could alter how I look doesn't truly change the part of me that really matters, my personality. I am not going to become more or less beautiful simply because I made a choice for health; but I could become less healthy if I chose comfort over health. If I am always stating how healthy my doctor says I am and then I am *not* making a choice to become even more healthy have I *not* then become a hypocrite in choosing my appearance over health since I refute people's "this is for your health" arguments with "well, my doctor says I am much healthier than 75% of the truly thin women who walk through here every day and munch on junk food constantly."
I look at the subject of my weight/size in a very objective manner simply because I spent so many years beating myself up about it. I came to the realization one day that I *had* to stop doing that or I would lose me in that fight. I would lose the upbeat, cheerful, outgoing, narcissistic, generally happy to be alive person I am to the self loathing, depressed, creepy, weirdo who spent all her time just wishing miserably that she could be anything she was not at that moment. For awhile, I actually did lose me for the second person I've described.
I realized one day that I had become a hypocrite. I am not unfeeling and I love my friends but whenever one of them would have something happen and it was fixable and they would just whine to me about it I would basically be like "This happened? You know the solution? Get your ass out there and fix it." Simply because that's who I am. I was a hypocrite because I would sit and feel sorry for myself and how I'd come to look rather than actually stop eating like shit or stop shoving so much food in my face I would physically hurt afterward. I had not stayed true to myself.
As I said if I am constantly stating how my doctor says I am healthier than 75% of the skinny women who walk into his office and am using that to show that being fat isn't necessarily always about being unhealthy then if it comes down to a choice between acceptance and health isn't taking the healthier road really the only option? In doing so I will accept myself even more for refusing to compromise and become that hypocrite who would expect anyone else to make the healthy choice simply because it is the solution to the "problem." Accepting myself for who I am right now, does not mean there isn't room for improvement and I think that is important to remember.
Oh and Miley Cyrus song or not...this song pretty much sums up how I feel about this in some ways.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
ladyaurale:
Been dealing with the same issues. Finally was fine with how I looked, then sorted out some issues and started loosing weight. Now I can't seem to find that happy place again even though I'm 100 pounds less. I just keep thinking of where I want to be, and driving myself crazy for not being there. My friends and my relationships are all supportive, but they seem overly excited my the weight loss... what if I can't live up to the pictures in their heads? What if I gain it all back. Ugh. I don't feel sexy anymore. 
missmalice_:
Aww thanks babe. I mean I'm just tired of not being able to give them the life they deserve and my area doesnt have the jobs I need, so maybe when they are older they will see I was trying to get them things they needed or wanted and I refused to accept my life was over just because I had them 
You gonna be in chat tonight??
You gonna be in chat tonight??