blossy

My husband left me this past Sunday. I mean he says it is a "break" or whatever but honestly it doesn't feel as if he wants to come back. He had really bad anxiety issues before he left and he admits that the anxiety was caused because of how he was feeling and didn't know how to tell me, but he told me and now he is saying that he's not sure when he will come back as he is not having anxiety where he is staying. Well, of course he's not fucking having anxiety he fucking told me how he felt, therefore alleviating the anxiety. He tried to pull this "I'm holding you back" bullshit and when I tell him he's not and that I would not have gotten this far without him he doesn't believe me and says "let's not have this conversation right now because I can feel the anxiety building" also he's popping Xanax like it's skittles so of course he's feeling just fine! He says he still loves me but is not in love with me. He's staying with a friend while I am alone here in this house full of memories with all of his stuff up on the walls and pictures of us on our wedding day in every frikkin room. I am so angry and hurt and alone 12.5 years of happiness and it's all supposed to be over because for like 4 months he thinks he's not in love with me. Coincidentally this feeling of not being in love with me coincided with his severe depression at being fucked over by his major professor and also coincided with the female friend (with whom he is staying at the moment) suddenly really needing a supoprt system and his friendship. To top this loveliness off he leaves when my job's website (niteflirt) was supposed to be down for 12 hours while they switched platforms and made things easier for us and such. It's been down for 2 weeks, they still have not paid me for one of my calls (70.00 worth of one call) and I am now in so much debt I am definitely going to lose my place to live. If life could get a little bit better some time soon I would appreciate it.