A JUDGE FOR MISS PENITENTIARY
If you know me, you know that I work in improvisational moral theater. Sometimes I have an audience, sometimes I don't. It doesn't matter. Regardless of who's watching, I have a duty to give what my heart and the Constittyotion require. It's my job.
I have achieved notable success in this endeavor since I began my career over a decade ago, defending children charged with delinquency and parents charged with abuse. If I carefully examine this career, I find my success involves my inability to pass judgment on others. Or, better worded, my ability to withhold judgment. Forget not that the presumption of innocence MEANS NOTHING if a public defender can't even apply it to his clients. But even when guilt or innocence is no longer the issue at sentencing, I maintain my role as an advocate who sees himself as no better than the least among us. I must make a wind up pitch to the judge in the batter's box. It is not my job to judge my clients. It is my job NOT TO JUDGE.
Which is why I, heretofore, submit myself for serious consideration as the host of MISS PENITENTIARY, the new reality series from FOX, next fall. Fuck Ryan Seacrest. I'm a lawyer, goddammit. I can SING! I can DANCE! I can ADVISE YOU OF YOUR TRIAL RIGHTS! I'll put the penitent in penitentiary.
Plus, I'll get to be next to a lot of bad girl boobies.
Here's my plan: Let's put the "tit" back into Constitution.
If you know me, you know that I work in improvisational moral theater. Sometimes I have an audience, sometimes I don't. It doesn't matter. Regardless of who's watching, I have a duty to give what my heart and the Constittyotion require. It's my job.
I have achieved notable success in this endeavor since I began my career over a decade ago, defending children charged with delinquency and parents charged with abuse. If I carefully examine this career, I find my success involves my inability to pass judgment on others. Or, better worded, my ability to withhold judgment. Forget not that the presumption of innocence MEANS NOTHING if a public defender can't even apply it to his clients. But even when guilt or innocence is no longer the issue at sentencing, I maintain my role as an advocate who sees himself as no better than the least among us. I must make a wind up pitch to the judge in the batter's box. It is not my job to judge my clients. It is my job NOT TO JUDGE.
Which is why I, heretofore, submit myself for serious consideration as the host of MISS PENITENTIARY, the new reality series from FOX, next fall. Fuck Ryan Seacrest. I'm a lawyer, goddammit. I can SING! I can DANCE! I can ADVISE YOU OF YOUR TRIAL RIGHTS! I'll put the penitent in penitentiary.
Plus, I'll get to be next to a lot of bad girl boobies.
Here's my plan: Let's put the "tit" back into Constitution.