Whos Afraid of Virginia Squirrel?
CONRAD: (emerging from the kitchen, through the dining room, to the living room, where his wife, EULALIA, is sitting at a desk, surfing the Net.)
Would you get off the fucking Internet, already?
EULALIA: (sitting at a desk in the living room, glazed eyes to the laptop screen.)
Love, dont swear so much. Im waiting for you to finish making...
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CONRAD: (emerging from the kitchen, through the dining room, to the living room, where his wife, EULALIA, is sitting at a desk, surfing the Net.)
Would you get off the fucking Internet, already?
EULALIA: (sitting at a desk in the living room, glazed eyes to the laptop screen.)
Love, dont swear so much. Im waiting for you to finish making...
Read More
Hello My Love:
Three Gatherings and a Herd of Squirrels
We celebrated correctly this year, with a modestly decorated tree, liquor soaked bundt cake, bj's in pj's, four pork tenderloins with sauer and dumplings, laser-leveled picture frames and good times on hardwood floors in freshly painted rooms with friends and family. Those pine-scented candles were DEE-LICIOSO.
At 9:00 am on New Year's Day, I was...
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Three Gatherings and a Herd of Squirrels
We celebrated correctly this year, with a modestly decorated tree, liquor soaked bundt cake, bj's in pj's, four pork tenderloins with sauer and dumplings, laser-leveled picture frames and good times on hardwood floors in freshly painted rooms with friends and family. Those pine-scented candles were DEE-LICIOSO.
At 9:00 am on New Year's Day, I was...
Read More
Hello, My Dear:
This is the story of three parties. Three parties in our new house. The first and second are over, the third is yet to come. No family crises, no drunk does sobbing in the freshly painted Barn half bath. Everything went quite well these holidays, so far. We do have party #3 on new years day. I assume my pork and sauerkraut...
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This is the story of three parties. Three parties in our new house. The first and second are over, the third is yet to come. No family crises, no drunk does sobbing in the freshly painted Barn half bath. Everything went quite well these holidays, so far. We do have party #3 on new years day. I assume my pork and sauerkraut...
Read More
for those playing along at home:
House Republicans have told their Commander in Chief that they do not approve of torture, cruel or inhumane treatement. They voted with McCain. Bush is flying solo on this one.
Kerry and Kennedy are set to investigate secret prisons, with the aid of a provisions regarding freshly declassified White House docs on Iranq.
All of Europe is in mid...
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House Republicans have told their Commander in Chief that they do not approve of torture, cruel or inhumane treatement. They voted with McCain. Bush is flying solo on this one.
Kerry and Kennedy are set to investigate secret prisons, with the aid of a provisions regarding freshly declassified White House docs on Iranq.
All of Europe is in mid...
Read More
Act I: the bridge is haunted
There used to be a bridge that left this southern bank of the Cuyahoga and stretched across to where the downtown firehouse stands. It was destroyed before the inner belt was built. Before it was destroyed, seventeen citizen commuters of the city of Cleveland perished here when the bridge over the river failed to operate properly. They plunged into...
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There used to be a bridge that left this southern bank of the Cuyahoga and stretched across to where the downtown firehouse stands. It was destroyed before the inner belt was built. Before it was destroyed, seventeen citizen commuters of the city of Cleveland perished here when the bridge over the river failed to operate properly. They plunged into...
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aleajactaest:
Bicycle themed barbeques....Thats ingenious..
A JUDGE FOR MISS PENITENTIARY
If you know me, you know that I work in improvisational moral theater. Sometimes I have an audience, sometimes I don't. It doesn't matter. Regardless of who's watching, I have a duty to give what my heart and the Constittyotion require. It's my job.
I have achieved notable success in this endeavor since I began my career over a decade...
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If you know me, you know that I work in improvisational moral theater. Sometimes I have an audience, sometimes I don't. It doesn't matter. Regardless of who's watching, I have a duty to give what my heart and the Constittyotion require. It's my job.
I have achieved notable success in this endeavor since I began my career over a decade...
Read More
The Linearity of Existence
I was chatting with an adversary/friend over lunch the other day, and he told me of an email he got from an old crush. He's married now, and unofficially expecting, and the note put him in a philisophical mood.
"At first I was freaked out, because I remember her being so important to me, like, I had to have her in...
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I was chatting with an adversary/friend over lunch the other day, and he told me of an email he got from an old crush. He's married now, and unofficially expecting, and the note put him in a philisophical mood.
"At first I was freaked out, because I remember her being so important to me, like, I had to have her in...
Read More
Pilot Light and Commingled [Jeans]
I lit the pilot light for the umpteenth time since summer. Weve found the water cold in the mornings, and I, groggy in my robe, must lie on the concrete slab of the basement and light the elusive and tiny bud of gas. It reminds me of another elusive and tiny bud.
Once lit, I twist a knob from pilot...
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BATTLING ANTS AND MOPS AND JUDGES
or
"OR FIND ME IN CONTEMPT AND ORDER ME TO DO IT."
I have battled ants today. I found several in a left out container for frozen orange-flavored sugar-free sorbets scooped into actual orange rinds. The ants love those things. Two ants were crushed in the initial encounter. Two others were saved and sent outside. I plan on keeping...
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or
"OR FIND ME IN CONTEMPT AND ORDER ME TO DO IT."
I have battled ants today. I found several in a left out container for frozen orange-flavored sugar-free sorbets scooped into actual orange rinds. The ants love those things. Two ants were crushed in the initial encounter. Two others were saved and sent outside. I plan on keeping...
Read More
LINKLATER UNBOUND
I have a vague memory of the original Bad News Bears. Lupus as hero. This is a very loving, sophisticated tribute to the simple 70's movie. Interesting head shots, transitions, camera movements (from home plate to first base on a bunt, for example.) Music is tech-ed up Bizet's Carmen (Toreador's, Love is a Rebellious Bird, etc.) Great, gentle acting by children: the black...
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I have a vague memory of the original Bad News Bears. Lupus as hero. This is a very loving, sophisticated tribute to the simple 70's movie. Interesting head shots, transitions, camera movements (from home plate to first base on a bunt, for example.) Music is tech-ed up Bizet's Carmen (Toreador's, Love is a Rebellious Bird, etc.) Great, gentle acting by children: the black...
Read More
Birthday Rant:
I love my wife. She was sweet and happy this morning. I hope our evening leads to spooning which leads to forking.
I have a favorite birthday story that I like to tell. I was born on my father's 33rd birthday. When I became a kid, the birthday party would honor us both. My father, a beloved tormentor, would always remind me that...
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I love my wife. She was sweet and happy this morning. I hope our evening leads to spooning which leads to forking.
I have a favorite birthday story that I like to tell. I was born on my father's 33rd birthday. When I became a kid, the birthday party would honor us both. My father, a beloved tormentor, would always remind me that...
Read More
TWO TICKETS TO THE STORY OF MY LIFE, PLEASE
My beloved Molly was standing next to me when I said this to the young black ticket seller at the cineplex. She looked up and smiled, "The 40-Year Old Virgin?"
"Yes, please."
I must say that this movie is very funny. Molly and I laughed out loud at many things in it. Sweet raunch. Stubborn morning...
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My beloved Molly was standing next to me when I said this to the young black ticket seller at the cineplex. She looked up and smiled, "The 40-Year Old Virgin?"
"Yes, please."
I must say that this movie is very funny. Molly and I laughed out loud at many things in it. Sweet raunch. Stubborn morning...
Read More
CONRAD: Alright, B plus. And get off the fucking internet, already. Tea is done. (He extends his empty hand to escort her upstairs, while she dims the lights.)
Can we watch the one on the dusty backroad?
EULALIA: Isn't that the one with the flies? You were nauseated by the flies, I remember.
CONRAD: Hey, keep your Dali outta my Freud, love. What do you think this is -- Spellbound?
EULALIA: About the spelling bee?
CONRAD: No, love. Gregory Peck and Ingrid Bergman, I think. Hitchcock. Those menacing stairs. Parallel lines, love. Parallel lines.
(All Exunt.)