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Strange But True Story #1

I had been out of law school for a couple of years doing mostly appellate work for the Cuyahoga County Public Defenders Office when I was given a surprise assignment: I was asked to represent a nineteen year old kid who was caught up in a major drug sting involving lots of cocaine. There was so much cocaine involved that...
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Thump, thump, drag.
Thump, thump, drag.

It was the punchline to a hideous campfire story from my childhood. A depraved lunatic escapes from the asylum on a dark and stormy slumber party night. The panicked teens, home alone, hide in an upstairs bedroom. After the brave one among them heads downstairs to see if the coast is clear, the others listen through the door for...
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Here begins the tale of Amonymous Bloomsday, discovered among garbage cans behind Martello's Tower, abandoned, screaming and hungry. Molly, with her nightingale ways, swaddled him, brought him home to the Easter House, and began regimented feedings of emergency kitten milk.

Amonymous was quite strong from the beginning. His lungs were strong. His poops forceful and startling, though usually covert. It was his stretches, though, which...
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The Exculpatory Evidence Machine

I have often thought of the criminal justice system, that hoary mistress to the prison industrial complex, as a meat grinder. It chews people up and spits them out. As a public defender, I regularly act as the guy who tries to extricate them at the last second or the guy who gets them through it with as little suffering as...
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A Childhood Anectdote:

Like Machiavelli, I learned my political lessons young.

I was in elementary school when a levy on the ballot brought cameras to our class for a puff piece. It was in the media center where the cameraman lit up his lights, looking for ideal children in need of funding. Instead, he found a swarm of obnoxious children, anxious to be on tv,...
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MEMORY AND RICE

I purged your cache in Scotland
To keep you running smooth.

I purged the things we searched for
So your memories could move.

Our memories are not stockpiled
Like burlap sacks of rice.
Don't turn them into grains of rice.

They cluster 'round the sensories
In our electric mind.
Manifold marigold magnolia mason mind
Each one, a moment where attention paid the...
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kayliane:
hehehe, hell yeah I can smear my lipstick... wink
xoxoxo kl
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Prevent Despair
(On the Inauguration of Our New Offices)

'tis better to be blind to injustice than deaf to suffering,
Though blindness is bad enough.
The protocols, the transcript, the pomp and imprisonment
The hat in hand, or a more tenacious defense?

The masons had such simple tools
and build such grand cathedrals.
But now the altar is askew, a crack runs through,
from Portal...
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bloomsday:
ON THE EXECUTION OF A DESPOT

bloomsday:
Molly and I watched Little Miss Sunshine last night, and I have one word: ARKIN. Arkin is being kept from us. You cannot order Simon on Netflix. You cannot order Freebee and the Bean on Netflix. Yes, you can order Wait Until Dark. Yes, you can order Little Murders. But the absence of Simon is heartbreaking; cruel, even.

On the occasion of this dreadful execution before the world, I turn to wise individuals for their insights. I turn to Arkin in Catch 22.

The death penalty is abhorrent and archaic and uncivil and brutal and inhumane. And it is immoral. Ask Christ or Kant or Yossarian Yossarian. Those who celebrate in the extermination of another should remind themselves that he was hanged for celebrating in the extermination of others. Your blood lust is a 20th century construct. Please evolve.
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THE MONSTERS ARE DUE ON MAPLE STREET

There's an episode of the old Twilight Zone named this, where the neighbors of an idyllic Mayberry-esque town find themselves plunged into darkness by a mysterious power outage. Soon there are rumors of malevolent monsters or aliens invading. Eventually they begin to turn suspicious of each other and viciously attack one among them for being different. It is...
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A DREAM, UNINTERPRETED

I am in an exam setting with a hundred or so other test takers. The exam is about to begin and people are taking their seats. My beloved Molly is also taking the test. I notice her moving from seat to seat, getting closer to where I am sitting, and she is asking me questions even though the proctor has told the...
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THE PLAN:

1) Cheney resigns (health problems)
2) Bush appoints McCain as V.P.
3) House impeaches Bush
4) Bush resigns
5) McCain becomes President, pardons Bush, et al.
6) 2008: McCain v. Clinton
7) McClain wins, Dems keep Congress
8) We bury the 20th Century, face down in the dirt
9) The 21st Century begins

"Run a carbon black test on my jaw and you...
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