bloodycrackdown6

Kerry To Win By Landslide!
Political Ponderings from Jay

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You heard it here first: Dubaya is out this bitch. John Kerry is going to be our next president and YOU are going to have to deal with it! Yeah, I know, this is a brash statement. Im just sick of all this pre-election bullshit that seems to be injecting politics into everything -- its fucking pointless and its BORING! I can tell you this: As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, as sure is Scott Perterson is a mur-diddly-urdler, and as sure as when I am done writing this homepage I will login Euro Sex Parties to rough up my suspect till I cover this keyboard in a frothy man spackle

Kerry is gonna be our next president.

Polls ask VOTERS who they will vote for. These polls call on VOTERS who have actually bothered to take part in the political process in the past. Well it ain't the VOTERS that will decide this next election! Speculation about the upcoming election ends HERE. This is my poll and it is the only one that matters:

From what I've heard:

Around 50% of people say they will vote for Bush.
Around 50% of people say they will vote for Kerry.
Around 10% are swing voters who constitute the undecided.

Newsflash: Statistically speaking, 50% of people do not vote!

Fuck off you flimflamming 10% undecided morons -- you represent only 5% of the public anyway! This is as sure as I will be deleting your bloated Dubaya loving emails without reading them tomorrow, as sure as Michael Jackson fucks little boys, and as sure as I am readying my Bang Brother's Keyboard-Sperm-Guard to protect this computer from merciless sortie of dong malt that is about to be hurled in it's direction -- at least 11% of the 50% of the people who don't usually vote will go resister to get rid of George Bush because he is JUST THAT HORRIBLE!

Then again, you can use stats and statistics to back most anything -- 63% of people know that.

I'm not a John Kerry fan at all. Kerry is bad -- not bad like Mao Tse Tung or Grey Davis bad; more just Millard Fillmore bad. This country will gladly accept four years of mediocre leadership just because Kerry is NOT AS HORRIBLE as George Bush. That's why only 50% of people have voted in the past -- one mediocre candidate vs. another mediocre candidate -- in 2004 its one mediocre candidate vs. the Anti-Christ.

I'm not trying to change anyone's vote or to even to get anyone out to the polls at all -- I'm just sick and tired politics being interjected in my pop culture! Every channel, every comedian, every awards show, every god-damn-everything is about this impending election and I'm fucking worn-out! I need to get back to the issues that really affect my life: What about Mary-Kate Olsen's drug problem? When is there going to be an all original Carcass reunion? What the fuck is with Ashley Simpson's nose? Is Chinese Democracy really ever gonna come out?

Jesus-Fucking-Christwe are America and America wants answers!

This is the kind of information that needs to be in the limelight; not all of this nonsensical yammering over who is going to be our next president. It's going to be John Kerry, so ya'll just STOP FUCKING ARGUEING ABOUT IT! We've been beaten into submission; we are tired and bloated on the blubber of speculation! America is going on the Adkins's Diet! No more CARBS that's right NO MORE FUCKING CARBS!

C = Cheney
A = Ashcroft
R = Rumsfeld
B = Bush

Now stop arguing about it already!

OK, that's off my chest - whew! I've got to go now there's a hot 19 year old chick with braces patiently waiting for me to serve her a hot steaming bowl of American Man Bisque over at Mr. Chews Asian Beaver!