Letter from E-Z in Germany
Subject: I think it`s wednesday, not sure though...
Hey Lovely,
So how where your three days of freedom? Darn I missed the red neck,
crackhead, asshole richmonites shooting there guns off to celebrate
the 4th...I guess there`s always next year. I had actually forgotten
about the "fuck the limey losers" holiday until now.
God! My cousin, E-Z-J, just gave my this thin pancake filled with brown
sugar. It was good but I think I`m going to have a heart attack now.
I don`t do well with uppers...i feel crazy... So, I went shopping
today with my family and got some super wild yellow pants that I bet
no one will have in the states. I`m turning into a real European and
I lost my American accent and replaced it with an Irish one. I wish
you could hear me right now.
I was going to go out with some of my new friends tonight but I think
I`ll stay in with the kids and rest. That guy, Lars called me three
times today and I think my relatives want me to date him. He`s super
cool but I just want to chill out and have fun. I think you would
approve though. Guys creep me out when they like me though, not sure
why, maybe it's the Dad thing though. I want to find someone like my
Uncle. He`s really cool and HOT as shit. He married my Mom`s sister
so I can say that right?
I`m not sure if I`ve still got a job right now. I called to see when
I was to go in next and they said not at the moment, we`ll call you.
They have my number but it`s not looking too good right now. I still
have to go back there and steal one of their ashtrays(ashenbecker)
they are fucking sweet!
I have to run! Poor Mike Hunt, I really want him to find a nice girl.
Glad those bitches are gone though. They are a fucking atomic
diseased drama bomb that almost went off in your neighborhood. I`m
sure that`s not the last you`ll see of them. Thanks for the
compliments by the way, I must say I do agree. Good luck with the
record it sounds like it`s going to be awesome, I can`t wait to hear
all the new songs. Did you do anything with that girls lyrics yet,
let me know?
I have to run now and brush my teeth, feel them rotting away.
Speaking of teeth, did you get you new ones. I don`t know if I like
the idea of you having all of your teeth. Well see....talk to ya
later
...Muaaaahhhhh......,
E-Z
p.s. I just heard that virginia just passed a law that says a cop with
probable cause can make you take a drug test on the spot and if you
have a trace of THC in your system you can get fined and loose your
lisence forever, possibly go to jail....... fuck the commonwealth
state. we now have the harshest alcohol and drug penalties in america!
Letter From Al K. To E-Z-E In Germany
Re: yes e-z, it IS wednesday : )
dear ms. college education, (you're lovely too)
...that thin pancake thing, your cousin fed you, is called a CREPE, and they sure are fuckin good. i want one now. you can put fruit in 'em too, but i like the brown suger. in my crepe, but not in my bed...get it....brown suger. i'm a fuckin retard.
...practice was really good last night, we are workin all the kinks out of the new stuff. mike hunts new 1 is short but good, i can't remember the name of it, but it's funny as all fuck, and he wrote another 1 thats even shorter! it's gonna be the "asshole" of the new album. come to think of it, that mike hunt has 3 songs on the newbie, i forgot about fallujah bar-b-q, i REALLY like that 1. i'm tryin to get us some opening slots on the big GWAR tour in the fall, so you will know what it's like to play in front of thousands of people. i heard gwars all coked up these days.
i went to the dental clinic today, and they said, for what i want, it's gonna cost the gov't, 10-20 thousand dollers! WTF!... so i might still be a little ratty, and snaggletooth, but, don't worry, i am still gonna have them fix what they can anyway. don't fold when you see my hollywood hunk of balls smile.
so your european now....(your a pee on!) haa-haa! ...i guess this means you like it in the butt then? good. just like them kinky amazon helga german broads. dig it, .....we'll see....: ) what do ya mean, i would approve of lars? i know all about your bad taste in men, baby(send a pic of lars)...if you like him, that's all that matters. i wonder why your family wants you to "date" him? sup wit dat? they must owe him money, or something. ...me, i disapprove of everybody....fuck whitey too motherfuckers! ...fuck the damn cops...if it gets too fucked up w/ stupid drug laws, we'll fuckin move! if enough people complain, and move, they'll have to change the laws again. that's why i rent my house e-z-e, because i can always pull up stakes and get-the fuck outta here. rva is a piece of chit on the damn map girl. it's the buckle of the bible belt. i don't wanna die HERE! fuck that. there's only 1 good thing about VA. ....there's a fuck-ton of hot chicks here. it sure is quiet without the nova sluts around, i'm kinda diggin' it. i would love to lay the pipe to peppermint patty sometime though, before her beer-belly gets too out of control, and her tits droop down past her belly. she's gonna go downhill FAST, if she does'nt watch it. still....i bet she sucks a mean shlong-o, when she wants to.
oh yea, i got some news for you. SO BRACE YOURSELF! are you ready for it? too bad, here goes:
since mike hunt was trying to nail that one girl from the 9:30 club, and i'm all gaa-gaa, for cow-patty, and she's all whooped for her loser BF who lives in arizona, or new mexico, or whereever the fuck. and i guess shitney, has the hots for mike hunt, and i'm already kinda nailing this crazy, kook, bitch from the westend(but i don't love her), and blah-blah-blah-yada-yada-yada, MOE LESTER decided he gets to fuck.......guess who?
.....YOU!!! ....THAT"S WHO!!!! ....and his technition, wants some too.: ) what do you think of that?
me and mike hunt cried for about 5 minutes....and i almost wet my BDU pants. ....so, is that cool with Y-O-U? holla.
....soo, what do you think of these things big E? ...are you shuddering w/ anticipation? ...or, are you vomiting in abject horrer? ...are you soiling your cool new yellow slacks?
lars probably already stripped them off w/ his teeth, and they're in a pile, in the corner, or wherever (lucky kraut bastard) did he show you the wienerschnitzel yet? ...i want a full report!
...also don't show him the hungarian goulash, until you inspect, ...and F.D.A. approve, the sausage. (if it's EVER been w/ a man, you MUST reject it) ...hopefully you won't need a magnifying glass.
...anyway, you rock, we miss you. stay alert-stay alive, have fun, but most of all:
THRASH THE FUCKIN' GERMANS-AND GET US A HOOK-UP, SO I CAN THRASH THEM TOO!
love,
Al K.
Subject: I think it`s wednesday, not sure though...
Hey Lovely,
So how where your three days of freedom? Darn I missed the red neck,
crackhead, asshole richmonites shooting there guns off to celebrate
the 4th...I guess there`s always next year. I had actually forgotten
about the "fuck the limey losers" holiday until now.
God! My cousin, E-Z-J, just gave my this thin pancake filled with brown
sugar. It was good but I think I`m going to have a heart attack now.
I don`t do well with uppers...i feel crazy... So, I went shopping
today with my family and got some super wild yellow pants that I bet
no one will have in the states. I`m turning into a real European and
I lost my American accent and replaced it with an Irish one. I wish
you could hear me right now.
I was going to go out with some of my new friends tonight but I think
I`ll stay in with the kids and rest. That guy, Lars called me three
times today and I think my relatives want me to date him. He`s super
cool but I just want to chill out and have fun. I think you would
approve though. Guys creep me out when they like me though, not sure
why, maybe it's the Dad thing though. I want to find someone like my
Uncle. He`s really cool and HOT as shit. He married my Mom`s sister
so I can say that right?
I`m not sure if I`ve still got a job right now. I called to see when
I was to go in next and they said not at the moment, we`ll call you.
They have my number but it`s not looking too good right now. I still
have to go back there and steal one of their ashtrays(ashenbecker)
they are fucking sweet!
I have to run! Poor Mike Hunt, I really want him to find a nice girl.
Glad those bitches are gone though. They are a fucking atomic
diseased drama bomb that almost went off in your neighborhood. I`m
sure that`s not the last you`ll see of them. Thanks for the
compliments by the way, I must say I do agree. Good luck with the
record it sounds like it`s going to be awesome, I can`t wait to hear
all the new songs. Did you do anything with that girls lyrics yet,
let me know?
I have to run now and brush my teeth, feel them rotting away.
Speaking of teeth, did you get you new ones. I don`t know if I like
the idea of you having all of your teeth. Well see....talk to ya
later
...Muaaaahhhhh......,
E-Z
p.s. I just heard that virginia just passed a law that says a cop with
probable cause can make you take a drug test on the spot and if you
have a trace of THC in your system you can get fined and loose your
lisence forever, possibly go to jail....... fuck the commonwealth
state. we now have the harshest alcohol and drug penalties in america!
Letter From Al K. To E-Z-E In Germany
Re: yes e-z, it IS wednesday : )
dear ms. college education, (you're lovely too)
...that thin pancake thing, your cousin fed you, is called a CREPE, and they sure are fuckin good. i want one now. you can put fruit in 'em too, but i like the brown suger. in my crepe, but not in my bed...get it....brown suger. i'm a fuckin retard.
...practice was really good last night, we are workin all the kinks out of the new stuff. mike hunts new 1 is short but good, i can't remember the name of it, but it's funny as all fuck, and he wrote another 1 thats even shorter! it's gonna be the "asshole" of the new album. come to think of it, that mike hunt has 3 songs on the newbie, i forgot about fallujah bar-b-q, i REALLY like that 1. i'm tryin to get us some opening slots on the big GWAR tour in the fall, so you will know what it's like to play in front of thousands of people. i heard gwars all coked up these days.
i went to the dental clinic today, and they said, for what i want, it's gonna cost the gov't, 10-20 thousand dollers! WTF!... so i might still be a little ratty, and snaggletooth, but, don't worry, i am still gonna have them fix what they can anyway. don't fold when you see my hollywood hunk of balls smile.
so your european now....(your a pee on!) haa-haa! ...i guess this means you like it in the butt then? good. just like them kinky amazon helga german broads. dig it, .....we'll see....: ) what do ya mean, i would approve of lars? i know all about your bad taste in men, baby(send a pic of lars)...if you like him, that's all that matters. i wonder why your family wants you to "date" him? sup wit dat? they must owe him money, or something. ...me, i disapprove of everybody....fuck whitey too motherfuckers! ...fuck the damn cops...if it gets too fucked up w/ stupid drug laws, we'll fuckin move! if enough people complain, and move, they'll have to change the laws again. that's why i rent my house e-z-e, because i can always pull up stakes and get-the fuck outta here. rva is a piece of chit on the damn map girl. it's the buckle of the bible belt. i don't wanna die HERE! fuck that. there's only 1 good thing about VA. ....there's a fuck-ton of hot chicks here. it sure is quiet without the nova sluts around, i'm kinda diggin' it. i would love to lay the pipe to peppermint patty sometime though, before her beer-belly gets too out of control, and her tits droop down past her belly. she's gonna go downhill FAST, if she does'nt watch it. still....i bet she sucks a mean shlong-o, when she wants to.
oh yea, i got some news for you. SO BRACE YOURSELF! are you ready for it? too bad, here goes:
since mike hunt was trying to nail that one girl from the 9:30 club, and i'm all gaa-gaa, for cow-patty, and she's all whooped for her loser BF who lives in arizona, or new mexico, or whereever the fuck. and i guess shitney, has the hots for mike hunt, and i'm already kinda nailing this crazy, kook, bitch from the westend(but i don't love her), and blah-blah-blah-yada-yada-yada, MOE LESTER decided he gets to fuck.......guess who?
.....YOU!!! ....THAT"S WHO!!!! ....and his technition, wants some too.: ) what do you think of that?
me and mike hunt cried for about 5 minutes....and i almost wet my BDU pants. ....so, is that cool with Y-O-U? holla.
....soo, what do you think of these things big E? ...are you shuddering w/ anticipation? ...or, are you vomiting in abject horrer? ...are you soiling your cool new yellow slacks?
lars probably already stripped them off w/ his teeth, and they're in a pile, in the corner, or wherever (lucky kraut bastard) did he show you the wienerschnitzel yet? ...i want a full report!
...also don't show him the hungarian goulash, until you inspect, ...and F.D.A. approve, the sausage. (if it's EVER been w/ a man, you MUST reject it) ...hopefully you won't need a magnifying glass.
...anyway, you rock, we miss you. stay alert-stay alive, have fun, but most of all:
THRASH THE FUCKIN' GERMANS-AND GET US A HOOK-UP, SO I CAN THRASH THEM TOO!
love,
Al K.
~cheers
~cheers