bloodspider

First off tomorrow I ll be gone for a couple weeks for training. Simple stuff should be a good time.

Now in other news...So yea, I really cant say much I cant even begin to explain my current mind set. I m walking on glass practically I dont know whats real what to believe and whats a childish game.... I like games, I m good at games, but this game... this game is out of my genera.... this is high school almost and yeah I skipped this portion. I dont know who to take seriously and what info is a load of bull and what info isnt. I know what I want to be true but wanting something to be true and it actually being factual is a hudge difference.... no matter what though its good and there are positive things that have come from this.... though I think I have passed on too much... not here but else where dont know what wrong with me somedays.

Best description took this froma friends blog and it conveys my mind set very well:

What do you do?

What do you do when you don't know what to do? What do you do when just as things were getting better, they get much worse? What do you do when you can't just sleep it off or sleep it away? How about when you can't hide the way you're feeling. What do you do then? When those feelings are making others unhappy do you pretend to feel another way? Is it better to hold things in or try to be honest? What do you eat when everything feels like it's just going to come back up? What do you do when you just don't want to do anything? What do you do when it feels like no one is listening? Or caring? Who do you talk to that will understand where you're coming from? Or give you another view on the situation? What do you do when you miss someone and they don't miss you back? Do you wait it out? Do you just hope things will get better? What do you do? Who do you think about if not that one person? What keeps your mind busy? How do you make it better? How do you solve a problem with only one participant? How do you react? How should you have reacted? What is there to be happy about? What is there to look forward to? How long will this last? What could I have done better? What can I do better? How do you improve with no feedback? When can I just be myself and be comfortable with that? Why should I always have to worry about what I'm doing? Am I really at fault for caring? Should I care less? Or more? Am I at fault for ruining things again? Am I once again overreacting? Do mistakes happen this often? Is it my mistake every time? Is my side of the story so hard to understand? Or is it just an invalid argument? Is it even an argument? Or is it just a bad situation? When does it stop? When does it get better? What can I do to better things? Is there anything I can do? How do I better myself? What do you do if you just can't think about anything else? When you can't move on? What do you do if you don't know if you're making things better or worse? What if you just don't have the energy to keep this up but want to more than anything? When will things be the way they were? Why is that so rare these days? What is there to smile about? Why is happiness so difficult? Why is love so difficult? Will difficult make things better in the end? Or just ruin things? Or is that me who will just ruin things? What do you do when the other end of the phone is silent? Do you call again? Or do you wait? What are you waiting for anyways? Is it worth the wait? Will waiting even work? What if that just makes it worse? What won't make it worse? What will help you through the week? Who will be there to care? Will there be anyone there at all? What do you do when you don't know what to do? I just don't know.