blondie6666

Went to Ceremony tonight to meet my college friend Eric who is working for the Big Apple Circus that is in town until mother's Day. Told him 9:30-10. got there a little late cause had to pick up a friend. he wasn't there. got there at 11:30. I forgot his penchance for getting lost/not giving himself enough time to get somewhere, even if he had already been there. Had to leave at 12 cause working at MassArt agian tomorrow 9:30.

Got home not feeling well. shaky etc. had some toast with housemate who is studying organic chem test tomorrow. told her about a piece of furniture on street might be interesed in. got said piece, seeing very skinny cat on way by. went back out and looked for cat with a random can of cat food I ahve had for a few years now. forgotten when I bought it. didn'tfind it where I last saw it, went around block, found it on way back down my block. dumped can on pavement and said good night. glad I found it. that is something that would haunt me like the one eyed three-color saw with my boi when we were going to help our freind vent leather when he had just had a hernia operation. she was very friendly and probably had kittens somewhere. still wish I could have done something.

strays, cast-offs, friendly obviously once someone's pet (this one tonight had a collar but no tags) just let out to wander, starve or get hit, injured and crawl away to slowly die in agony make my soul weep for humankind.

Gads am I depressed. I am having several of those "I don't want to sleep alone, don't want to sleep at all because then it will be morning and face the horrid fact of notingness that is my life" nights.

And I need to get into shape. I am afraid my boi will look at me and see my fat thighs and larger ass and... I don't know. I know he will say bullshit. I know he loves me. just feeling very insecure and not able to motivate.

Everyone ha problems and noone really wants to hear my bitching.