blkspring

more tests tomorrow. I want to find out what the liver problem is so that I can have a drink. I think I romanticize drinking as much as I enjoy it. I have lived with whiskey and beer most of my life. maybe that's the problem. salud!

Festival of Books was good. Too hot and too many clueless people walking in my way. "Behind the Yellow Tape" panel was great. Ellroy, his wife, Helen Knode and two LAPD homicide dicks from the new cold case squad. Some insight into the "real" police and detective procedural. Some really funny shit, as well. Ellroy says whatever the fuck he wants and doesn't worry about...
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sat. and sun. attending the Festival of Books at UCLA. James Ellroy and his wife Helen Knode are both going to be speaking on a panel. I hope I don't have to injure any sensitive sweaters in order to get a seat. it would be amazing to have the control and impact that Ellroy has with his words.

here's an old picture for my profile. I was drunk with the 1000 yd. stare going. I realize that there are large spaces in my life where I have no pictures of myself. all I can usually find is the drunken group shot from some various event.

I came home last night to a message on my machine from my doctor. I called this morning to find that during my recent blood testing, my liver enzymes are really high. "like that of an alcoholic". I have to quit drinking immediately and go in for more major testing in a few days. I have been a drinker since I was 13 or so....
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I am tired all the time. no matter how much I exercise, sleep and eat well, I feel run-down. must be depression. I'm re-reading American Tabloid by the great James Ellroy. we are going to lose our greatest contemporary writer when that old bastard bites the dust.

tattoo is healing well. I'm tired as hell and can't wait for the week to be over. my goddaughter turns 2 this weekend. what do I buy for a 2 year old girl? some kind of girlie type thing I guess? at that age I'm sure she won't know the difference. it's all about pleasing the parents I guess.

got tattooed last night for a few hours. more detail work on an existing/in progress piece. it's been two years since we've worked on the shoulder, but it seems to be coming along nicely. went and got the ultrasound and xrays done this morning. funny watching the expressions on the tech ladies' faces when I took my shirt off. they aren't allowed to discuss what...
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ultrasound and xrays tomorrow. I want to know what's wrong but I'm also still thinking that I'll be shocked by something I wasn't ready for. fuck it. have to decide whether to get tattooed tonight or not. we'll see

I went to the doctor yesterday and he thinks that I have some problem with my liver or gall bladder. that is some wonderful news as I really wanted to feel even older and more beat than I am. have to go and get ultrasound and xrays done next week with a full blood work up. it'll be great if I have to have surgery....
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pulled the shit out of my neck and back doing deadlifts saturday. I should have just relaxed and did my normal weekend deal, but there I was trying to be the fucking terminator. guess I learned my lesson. I want to heal quickly and get back to the steel. jesus I sound like a real jock.

friday. I have to try and remain focused through the weekend. I am all too used to breaking free from work and then not paying attention to my schedule. as long as I get good rest tonight and then lift tomorrow, I'll be keeping shit straight. who cares, though. I'm gonna croak one way or the other