Its amazing how life works. One minute you think you are in love. The next you realize that it is easily changed. The word 'Love' is used so often and for so many reasons that I think it is losing its true meaning.
I realized alot of things last night thanks to my ex's and the lovely and awesome SexySadie.
I realized through my ex that I have never been in love. How could I?? I need to be happy with myself before I can love anyone else. Isnt that the saying? Well, I found out last night that I am happy with myself. For a long time I looked in the mirror and didnt like what I see. Now. I realize that I am a attractive man that has alot to offer.
I always thought of love as a magical thing. Some mystic story you see unravel in a movie or book. You find that person that you want to be with. You would do anything for them. They would tear out their heart for you. You would accept each other for who you are. Not what you want them to be. Mistakes will happen. Many times. Feelings will be hurt. Jealousy will occur. All of these things are part of life. After all. To error is human right?
Which brings me to my ex's. If things were really meant to work. I would still be in a relationship and this journal entry would not exist. Yet, here I am. Typing with anticipation to let my feelings pour out on these keys. Ive shared the word love with a few of them. Only to find out those feelings were false. I dont blame them or myself. After all, we all would like to be loved right? Alot of times we are too quick to say things we dont really mean. Whether it be love or otherwise. In all actuality it would be hard to be in love when you are able to leave someone as quick as you meet them.
Now this story brings me to my demonic queen
SexySadie. I have not known her long on here nor even met her in real life. She did reiterate some very good adivice that I almost forgot about. Everything happens for a reason. That is SOOOO true. From my experience in life this has stood true everytime. It is words that I will now and always live by. Thank you Sadie!
My life has just started. I have seen so much yet, have so much else to see and experience. When the time comes I will meet the love of my life. She will be just as crazy, funny, caring, and loving as me. I havent felt that feeling yet and I cant wait till I do and thats who I will share my life with when we are ready. The rest of the failed relationships will just be a lost thought well forgotten with the passing time. I will however remember the good times with those women.
So, I would like to extend a huge *hug* along with the greatest "thank you" I can give. After all, you can always count on your family and friends. You all accept me for who I am. The best and worst of me. I know that feeling of trust will never change. I know you will all always be there for me. All I can offer is that I promise to do the same for you.
and with the click of the 'Save Entry' button, I wash away the past and look towards the future.
I think of awhile ago
we might have had it all
I was so stupid then
you needed time to grow
But now just as things change
as well my feelings do
in time things rearrange
I am so sick of chasing you
But what do I get 'cause I just seem to lose
you make me regret those times I spent with you
and playing those games as I wait for your call
and now I give up, so goodbye and so long
It's not a change of pace
this time I'll get it right
it's not a change of taste
I was the one there last night
You have your other friends
they were there when you cried
didn't mean to hurt you then
best friends just won't leave your side
But what do I get 'cause I just seem to lose
you make me regret those times I spent with you
and playing those games as I wait for your call
and now I give up, so goodbye and so long
It's not a change of pace
this time I'll get it right
it's not a change of taste
I was the one there last night
When I needed you most
when I needed a friend
you let me down now
like I let you down then
So sorry, it's over
I realized alot of things last night thanks to my ex's and the lovely and awesome SexySadie.
I realized through my ex that I have never been in love. How could I?? I need to be happy with myself before I can love anyone else. Isnt that the saying? Well, I found out last night that I am happy with myself. For a long time I looked in the mirror and didnt like what I see. Now. I realize that I am a attractive man that has alot to offer.
I always thought of love as a magical thing. Some mystic story you see unravel in a movie or book. You find that person that you want to be with. You would do anything for them. They would tear out their heart for you. You would accept each other for who you are. Not what you want them to be. Mistakes will happen. Many times. Feelings will be hurt. Jealousy will occur. All of these things are part of life. After all. To error is human right?
Which brings me to my ex's. If things were really meant to work. I would still be in a relationship and this journal entry would not exist. Yet, here I am. Typing with anticipation to let my feelings pour out on these keys. Ive shared the word love with a few of them. Only to find out those feelings were false. I dont blame them or myself. After all, we all would like to be loved right? Alot of times we are too quick to say things we dont really mean. Whether it be love or otherwise. In all actuality it would be hard to be in love when you are able to leave someone as quick as you meet them.
Now this story brings me to my demonic queen
SexySadie. I have not known her long on here nor even met her in real life. She did reiterate some very good adivice that I almost forgot about. Everything happens for a reason. That is SOOOO true. From my experience in life this has stood true everytime. It is words that I will now and always live by. Thank you Sadie!
My life has just started. I have seen so much yet, have so much else to see and experience. When the time comes I will meet the love of my life. She will be just as crazy, funny, caring, and loving as me. I havent felt that feeling yet and I cant wait till I do and thats who I will share my life with when we are ready. The rest of the failed relationships will just be a lost thought well forgotten with the passing time. I will however remember the good times with those women.
So, I would like to extend a huge *hug* along with the greatest "thank you" I can give. After all, you can always count on your family and friends. You all accept me for who I am. The best and worst of me. I know that feeling of trust will never change. I know you will all always be there for me. All I can offer is that I promise to do the same for you.
and with the click of the 'Save Entry' button, I wash away the past and look towards the future.
I think of awhile ago
we might have had it all
I was so stupid then
you needed time to grow
But now just as things change
as well my feelings do
in time things rearrange
I am so sick of chasing you
But what do I get 'cause I just seem to lose
you make me regret those times I spent with you
and playing those games as I wait for your call
and now I give up, so goodbye and so long
It's not a change of pace
this time I'll get it right
it's not a change of taste
I was the one there last night
You have your other friends
they were there when you cried
didn't mean to hurt you then
best friends just won't leave your side
But what do I get 'cause I just seem to lose
you make me regret those times I spent with you
and playing those games as I wait for your call
and now I give up, so goodbye and so long
It's not a change of pace
this time I'll get it right
it's not a change of taste
I was the one there last night
When I needed you most
when I needed a friend
you let me down now
like I let you down then
So sorry, it's over
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
I was actually just having a quick, but HIGHLY beneficial Talk about you with Misshelley...and How I recognized You as A Very Good Person In Her Journal, and we Both agreed, after she sent me some kind words, and we exchanged the "I have Seen You around..." story...and I guess when I saw that you were so awesome in her eyes...Well...2 gals named after Beatles Songs...Synchronicity...AKA...Everything Happens For A reason...
On A Final Note for Fear of taking up too much space, As there is certainly some needed for ALL your other admirerers, I Offer you One Card I KNOW Is Probably One that would show up in even the most simplest 3 card spread...THE TOWER. And In The Toth Deck, Which is Thee Only Deck I have EVER read...learned on it as well...which is usually highly unheard of...It is a very complex Deck with Egyptian Influence, and Was Aleister Crowleys Gift To Us That is accepted as something Highly Spiritual, rather than the "Nasty" image of most of his contributions...The Tower, If you can Imagine, Is A Bleak card to a certain extent, Usually in most decks it is Universally recognized as a Castle like tower with lightening striking it, and people falling with the bricks of the falling structure, as Chaos, Destruction from Those whom have the Power to impose it, i.e. The Gods. However, It means that you are in fact The Tower...Falling to pieces, while Unseen destruction has come your way as the lightening Bolts hit you, and force the People, who represent attributes Lost along with the destruction, and generallly dark and bleak...BUT, Just as The Death Card usually means re-Birth, The Tower represents a part of your structure, spiritually, as being shaken to its very foundation...However, That which id Destroyed, Is done so , to make room and to Build anew, better, more stronger, and prepared for anything that tore you apart before...Your New Tower will be Built on The same foundation, but just built with the experience, wisdom, strength, and knowledge gained from the experience of the last one crumbling to the ground so easily...You Have That Foundation Bleeder...Now you just need to remember The Gifts that have been given to you out of sheer experience to know how to excel in your brand new tower...which could have never been re-built, bigger, better and stronger, unless you allowed the old and crumbling one fall apart...You needed to re-build your Tower...sounds like you have the foundation already Well started...
(SO Sorry I went On...But Once I get into The 'zone'...I am gone...)
I hope this provides some more Insight...and that The New "Tower" will have Beautiful Ivy beginning to grow come spring...
MUCH Love and Thanks For Being The AWESOME Soul That you are...
A Slimy Smear of Smooches for your kind Words...