update:
hmmmm. how to put it - Ive been really kind of out of controll for almost a year now, since I went out with this girl and got dumped and kind of flipped out. I got on prozac to relieve the anxiety of it all, and I definately would say its helped me a ton, but it makes me way less inhibited and much more, as I say, out of controll. Ive quarelled with and cut ties with many friends during this time, for good reason, but the prozac I think makes me much more combative than I would normally be; before I would probably have just quietly distanced myself from those people instead of saying offensive things and breaking with them dramatically as was the case.
anyhow, Ive never been in a fist fight before in my entire life- and I used to be unreasonably afraid of fighting -
that hasnt really been an issue for the past several years, but over this past year, as Ive lost this fear of fighting and become more combative, Ive come pretty close to fighting a handfull of times- but none of those times ever went all the way - (it does seem kind of ridiculous for two people to be punching each other... unless theres a good reason Iguess)
anyhow, small digression, then the news - the most horrible period of my life was when I was 17 to about 19- I had this friend, who is a horribly negative person. I would say that he is psychologically abusive to everyone he has any connection with - or at least he constantly tends toward that. I dont even know if he is really aware of it - its just how he is for whatever reason.
as my counselor said once, "with friends like that, who needs enemies" right- I hated myself intensely during that period of my life, and my constant socializing with him had a lot to do with that. Everyones responsible for themselves of course, and the horrid feelings I felt during that period I think deepened me as a person greatly and opened me up to lots of wonderful stuff thats occured since - I think feeling like my entire life had become a nightmare and been stolen from me really focused me on what I value in life
the news:
this guy has called me every year and a half or so out of the blue kind of like were still friends - so he called me a few days ago and I talked to him- just generic conversation-
but then, I txted him last night saying basically that his personality is horribly diseased and negative.
this sounds stupid to you I know, but to me its a big thing - so, I guess he doesnt have txt, cause he called like 10 times tonight, and finally left a msg saying he wanted to "brawl"
so, thats pretty stupid huh? though he did sound pretty tough saying "name the time and the place", I have to give him that -so I told him Id be at the district tomorrow after 1130
so thats the news - after this crazy year of being out of controll and coming close to fighting like 6 times, and dating like a maniac and having my heart cut by a bunch of girls, and one particularly pretty girl recently, it turns out that my first fight might end up being with this person that played such a horrible, though important role in my life - its really fitting - its almost literary - and its not just a random fight out of the blue - its a preset, cold blooded fight - how romatic -
Ive felt like I ve been waiting-all year almost- waiting for something to happen- waiting for some event to occur that will kind of pull the scattered pieces of my life together and send me off in a more solidified and focused direction
heres a pre sat night pic
thats not a look of worry - thats a look of 6 tylenol simply sleeps and a few glasses of vodka at 6:45 am and i havent been to bed yet look
hmmmm. how to put it - Ive been really kind of out of controll for almost a year now, since I went out with this girl and got dumped and kind of flipped out. I got on prozac to relieve the anxiety of it all, and I definately would say its helped me a ton, but it makes me way less inhibited and much more, as I say, out of controll. Ive quarelled with and cut ties with many friends during this time, for good reason, but the prozac I think makes me much more combative than I would normally be; before I would probably have just quietly distanced myself from those people instead of saying offensive things and breaking with them dramatically as was the case.
anyhow, Ive never been in a fist fight before in my entire life- and I used to be unreasonably afraid of fighting -
that hasnt really been an issue for the past several years, but over this past year, as Ive lost this fear of fighting and become more combative, Ive come pretty close to fighting a handfull of times- but none of those times ever went all the way - (it does seem kind of ridiculous for two people to be punching each other... unless theres a good reason Iguess)
anyhow, small digression, then the news - the most horrible period of my life was when I was 17 to about 19- I had this friend, who is a horribly negative person. I would say that he is psychologically abusive to everyone he has any connection with - or at least he constantly tends toward that. I dont even know if he is really aware of it - its just how he is for whatever reason.
as my counselor said once, "with friends like that, who needs enemies" right- I hated myself intensely during that period of my life, and my constant socializing with him had a lot to do with that. Everyones responsible for themselves of course, and the horrid feelings I felt during that period I think deepened me as a person greatly and opened me up to lots of wonderful stuff thats occured since - I think feeling like my entire life had become a nightmare and been stolen from me really focused me on what I value in life
the news:
this guy has called me every year and a half or so out of the blue kind of like were still friends - so he called me a few days ago and I talked to him- just generic conversation-
but then, I txted him last night saying basically that his personality is horribly diseased and negative.
this sounds stupid to you I know, but to me its a big thing - so, I guess he doesnt have txt, cause he called like 10 times tonight, and finally left a msg saying he wanted to "brawl"
so, thats pretty stupid huh? though he did sound pretty tough saying "name the time and the place", I have to give him that -so I told him Id be at the district tomorrow after 1130
so thats the news - after this crazy year of being out of controll and coming close to fighting like 6 times, and dating like a maniac and having my heart cut by a bunch of girls, and one particularly pretty girl recently, it turns out that my first fight might end up being with this person that played such a horrible, though important role in my life - its really fitting - its almost literary - and its not just a random fight out of the blue - its a preset, cold blooded fight - how romatic -
Ive felt like I ve been waiting-all year almost- waiting for something to happen- waiting for some event to occur that will kind of pull the scattered pieces of my life together and send me off in a more solidified and focused direction
heres a pre sat night pic
thats not a look of worry - thats a look of 6 tylenol simply sleeps and a few glasses of vodka at 6:45 am and i havent been to bed yet look
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
i hope if you did brawl that you're okay.
no i do not wear sunglasses when i'm outside. i squint and cuss at the sun. i'd like to carry an unbrella, but that's too gothy for me.
[Edited on Apr 03, 2005 1:23AM]