aak... Today has been a hard day for me... even though i didnt do anything and didnt talk to anyone, maybe that was my problem. But i am down. I feel way depressed riught now.
I have been sitting here wondering how come i am always good enough to be friends with but never good enough for anything more. I am a worthwhile person i think. My Options are open. Yet, I am still alone like i have been since i was born. How come? Am i soo destined to be alone? I mean...seriously...
Last night i went out with some friends of mine to bakersfield. We went to ventura to pick up a friend, and then on to bakersfield. I've never felt so alone in my life. My friends Cheryl and Miriam were all sorts of being cute (outside, in the car, in the movie) and then Andrew was making out with this chick in bako. And Me i am standing alone just going okay ::twiddling my thumbs:: not even knowing what its like to be in that situation. I suck sooooo hardcore. And moreso then anything i just want someone who is as interested in me as i am in them but i don't know how to get into that situation. Maybe there are people out there interested in me, but i don't know what the hell i am doing, I don't know if i am expressing the fact that i like them, i don't even know. I am retarded when it comes to matters of the heart.
aak. I hate this, me, everything.
~Blayne
I have been sitting here wondering how come i am always good enough to be friends with but never good enough for anything more. I am a worthwhile person i think. My Options are open. Yet, I am still alone like i have been since i was born. How come? Am i soo destined to be alone? I mean...seriously...
Last night i went out with some friends of mine to bakersfield. We went to ventura to pick up a friend, and then on to bakersfield. I've never felt so alone in my life. My friends Cheryl and Miriam were all sorts of being cute (outside, in the car, in the movie) and then Andrew was making out with this chick in bako. And Me i am standing alone just going okay ::twiddling my thumbs:: not even knowing what its like to be in that situation. I suck sooooo hardcore. And moreso then anything i just want someone who is as interested in me as i am in them but i don't know how to get into that situation. Maybe there are people out there interested in me, but i don't know what the hell i am doing, I don't know if i am expressing the fact that i like them, i don't even know. I am retarded when it comes to matters of the heart.
aak. I hate this, me, everything.
~Blayne
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Mind you, I've had a few people mention that I intimidate them (unbeknownst to me at the time, of course). I'm an only child, though, and because my parents own their own business I've had to do things on my own a lot. I suppose that's where I get my 'don't need anyone' attitude. I suppose that's intimidating. Plus it makes me super aloof. Arg... ,o)
And I hope you have a great new year!