blasfemme

tomorrow is...

my mom's death day. she was 51 years old. i was 18.

i have now lived as long without my mother as i lived with my mother.

dear mom,
i miss you. it's been a long time, 18 years to be exact. i was really still a child. at 18 i had gone off into the world to live my own life when you got sick. a cold you thought at first. stubborn as you were you refused to go to the doctor. you didn't have health insurance, you didn't have money to pay the bill. one week later it was pneumonia and on mother's day, one month after your 51st birthday, you died.

i tried to get home before you passed away, really i did. it seemed as though the universe had other plans. maybe it was you who had other plans. you died before i could even get to the airport to catch my flight home. i know you didn't want me to see you that way, with all of the tubes and machines. i hardly even recognised you at the funeral home. oh and i'm sorry about that horrible dress, i told them you'd want your slacks instead but you know rhonda. you still looked beautiful, like you were going to a party.

so now i am 36. i have 3 children of my own. you've never met any of them and that saddens me deeply. i understand how difficult your job was mom. i have my own things going on with my children, difficult things, and i am alone. just like you were with me, oh how i understand....i bet you're smiling aren't you? "she FINALLY gets it!!"

yes, i do.

thankyou for giving me life and sharing as much of it as you did. i love you forever and always.

~radia






now go call your mom and tell her you love her!!!