bladez

I don't know what's been going on lately. Over the past few days. Few nights. I just feel like I'm shutting off from the world. I'm trying to spend more time in the dark. It feels like I'm falling back into my depression, but on a different level. It's not the way it was before. It's more of a "alone in the world seclusion" kind of feeling. I don't have the ambition to do a lot of the things I usually do. I don't even know how to properly describe it. I'm listening to less of my punk stuff, and more of my dark, undertone, underworld kind of music. Less heavy, more mellow. Less politics, more feeling. Less anger, more lonliness. Tear streaks down a dirty face. I'm feeling like I've reached a plateau. That this is the high point of my life. That this is the where my life stops moving. That I'm destined to stay in this house, in this room. Stay with this job. Stay in this slum of a social life. I meet new people, and know them for a day. Then they're gone. My world doesn't expand past the choking darkness of my room. And I have no ambition to change that. There's nothing more for me beyond these walls. Now all I want is to stay in the dark. I don't have the energy to fight for anything anymore. Apathy...my newest friend...the only one who really understands what I'm going through right now. Even I don't understand it. And I'm sure nobody reading this will understand me either. Not surprising. C'est la vie.