Hello everyone 🧡

I've been very quiet online lately - I lost one of my closest friends very suddenly at Christmas time, and I've been struggling to keep myself together.

This is the first time I've experienced death so close to home, and I've learned that grief is a very peculiar thing. I have done my share of crying and being angry at just how unfair life can be, which I suppose is to be expected - but I also found myself not wanting to do certain mundane things, which I didn't anticipate. I haven't wanted to wash my hair, or change my bed sheets, or hoover the house - my brain kept saying "the last time I did that he was still alive" - I've been avoiding all kinds of things in order to resist accepting that my friend isn't coming back.

So I'm in the process of adjusting to the new routines, and trying my best to get back to 'normal', as my friend wouldn't want me or anybody else to sit and wallow and not live.

I've always enjoyed DIY and decorating, and I've been using these things as coping mechanisms lately, which makes a drastic change from all my unhealthy methods of dealing with things that I used in the past. I wish I had a good 'before' photo of this hallway to use as a comparison, but I hope you enjoy my latest handiwork!

Have you ever lost anybody close to you? How did you deal with the grief? Did you experience a lack of self-care during this time? It's so hard to not feel completely alone, but I know that I'm not really.

I'm sorry for being so absent lately - I tend to shut myself off during hard times but I'm trying my best to change that!

I hope you have a great day, thankyou for reading.

Love, Blacktop 🧡