blackink

isn't it strange how the littlest things can make you feel better?

yesterday i mentally ended a chapter of my life that has, of late, been neither fun nor good for my self esteem. i think i was kind of rolling along with things and assuming that life would take its natural course, but something snapped last night and i (quite rightly) decided to take control again i'm not here to discuss that though, much as i enjoy this group sharing!!

so after shaking off fuzzy headed me this morning (as with all big decisions, alcohol was involved) i decided, quite simply, to become a better person. in all aspects of my life, and to really challenge myself with learning from and experiencing as much as i can from the opportunities that are around me. aww.

i think on the whole, i'm a nice person. i'm a little contradictory and easily lost but i try hard and aim to please. unfortunately, i can be too nice, and either get walked over or look weaker than i actually am. it's an odd personality trait and i've never seen a benefit to it so that will be first to be seen to!!

i'm also quite shy and rarely honest about how i'm feeling to myself or others. and if there's blame to be laid, i'll voluntarily shoulder it. no idea.

so i've already deleted myself from some groups on here that i'd joined. they were more things i wanted to be or things i had been in the past, and i don't want to associate myself with that negative thinking any more and it might mean i actually get around to posting in some for once!! and i've made a bit of a pledge to start treating myself with respect and allowing myself to screw up, grow up and have a deserved place in this world and not bowing down to others because i think it will make them like me more. why would they?i might even start honestly writing down my irrational thoughts in the hope that embarrassment will make me question my silly brain....

oh, and i'll definately sort out some more pictures for this. i like seeing other people's faces and so i'm sure that's the same for everyone else. hahahaha ok ok i'll write it down.... i was trying to lose some weight before i put any up because i thought if i were prettier i would be seen differently. damn that's humiliating, better be doing me some good in the long run!!