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Hmmm............tricky.

I've lost a bit of anonymity with this blog today, as The Cause is now able to read The Effect and I therefore no longer have a freedom page to scribble down all things heart/ mind related.

Well, perhaps this is a little unfair (harrow! sorry) not THE cause as such, but someone who has some indirect influence towards my emotional modifications and therefore doesn't need to see it being relayed on here. (though oddly, that does mean my relationship with an internet database is perhaps stronger than my trust in living humanity. which should, and most certainly shall, be chewed on.)

Anywho, I'll just have to watch what I say in the future

That crap aside, it's been a nice weekend. I spent most of saturday bouncing around in over sized jeans and thick socks, feeling the buzz of 'saturday' that I used to get as a child and haven't felt in a long time recently. I checked with the local music store to see how my application was going, but it seems my C.V came a few days too late because they are fully staffed for present and although they might be expanding soon, they couldn't say when. (I've indulged myself with the thought that the man looked disappointed about it, but he had two seriously overlapping front teeth so in reality he might not like smiling much......

.....not that he shouldn't mind, i just know people get funny about their teeth.

The evening involved pootling to the cinema with my co-film critic and giggling inappropriately through 'The Illusionist' because it was;

a) awful
b) boring and therefore encouraging to stifled laughter
c) full of over dramatic shifty looks that would really have sat better in a silent movie.
d) the cinema, and I've been told to be quiet in them before, which now makes it so so much harder

Today? Well, today was a bad day in that I started my working week a day early. Since I'm unemployed (currently) I spend a great deal of time searching the internet for prospective jobs all over the country and researching what skills I would need, writing letters and making phone calls. Now, I try and put this in a usual 9-5 bracket, but today when I got bored and the weather didn't seem worth broaching the outdoors for, I found myself doing the same thing as usual. Whoops.

Of course what I should have done was knitted, or made a new hand puppet, or jewellery, or clay modelled or manga doodled, used my trampoline, or read, or wrote, or used my sewing machine, or heaven forbid made a cake and watched a film. Because I KNOW it's really important that I have a break and chill out and all that stuff that stops my eyeballs turning inwards and my brain switching to self-absorbed depressive mode....
But I really want this, and need this, and I can't stop looking and researching until I've found it. I have a bit of a phobia of not having a purpose or function, and employment is the most fail safe way of feeling important I guess..... *rolls eyes. Jesus. I sound so serious!! Most people would be revelling in a bit of a holiday, I can't but drive myself crazy about it. GRR.

Phewf. But I burnt some cds, and sifted all my old word documents and put a lot of photos back onto memory sticks so my computer is running a lot faster now, and that was kinda fun so it wasn't all dull!! haha

And what did i find? Some retail graduate schemes I might try and get on; Arcadia formost (that's the Topshop people for those not in the know) or maybe Marks and Spencer, though they don't seem to offer many perks (which they should do, if I'm to choose between them and an Arcadia discount card) It's not exactly what I'm aiming for, but I know I''ll enjoy it and it could be a backdoor method of getting where I want to be, people skills and organisation etc. Maybe. Long Tall Sally, a company I used to work for (shameless plug for them but it's a clothes shop for tall ladies like myself) want a full time sales assistant in London too....hmmm, worth a ring.

So tomorrow will be a day of further calling and agency pestering. My parents should find out if they've got a bed and breakfast in the next few days too, so then I can add find-a-flat to the list haha it's all good really.
oh...and I wrote a small poem whilst watching Cold Mountain and I'm working on it presently, so...y'know, watch this space/ keep your eyes peeled....

*pause.

I hate the word cliche. It makes me feel bad for communicating on an understandable level.