blackguarding

Blah.

Woke up to a panic attack after a night of insomnia alternating with the usual nightmares of my ex. In the last one she'd gotten these crazy breast implants. I don't miss her or ever really think about her anymore... but when I'm sleeping its a whole different deal. Plus I keep waking up sore, cause as uncomfortable as it is... the couch is less lonely than the bedroom.

After my night of being a total idiot on Sunday and trashing my car... I've realized that's about as rock bottom as I need to go. So I really gotta start straightening up. Which sucks, cause without the booze I can't sleep and the panic attacks come full force. But of course I'll be better off in the long run. I hope.