blackgoat

what a night! four days off my meds and i miss myself. raises all kinds of interesting questions. like for example if the me i miss is the medicated me, then is it the actual me i miss, or and idealised medicated version of myself that has little to do with the actual me at all. i feel myself slipping back to the me that went to a party at a friends house, couldn't find a chair, and went home to die. its so ridiculous its funny. played poker tonight and got yelled at by one of my friends. drove home and wrote this whole fucking message in my head as i drove. this is a message i wrote in hotmail and was going to send to friends, but honestly who wants to hear it? its nice to love the cyber void, friend of the lonely, lover of the loveless. i am drunk and i am going to sleep.