blackberrie

im bored.

and very confused...

you see, ive been having these strange dreams.

dreams that seem so fucking realistic i wake up, and think they actually happened.



some are dreams about lost - which is really fucking sad but i have a feel about the story line now.



some are dreams about me in the house and the animals.



and sometimes, i dont know what im dreaming about... but i feel like im hitting and yelling gabe while he's sleeping, and im crying about something.. and i wake up, and i dont know if i actually have or not...



also my mind has been constantly daydreaming...



i find myself visualizing a camera in my hand and taking pictures of things all around me.



ive also been daydreaming about being a suicide girl.

i layed awake last night for hours with set ideas running through my head.

i want to write them down but i dont think theyre going anywhere, i cant forget them... how can i. i cant stop thinking about them.

i guess thats why i put all these old pictures up from almost a year ago that nicole took for me.





fantasies.





but im not acting normal.

i cant focus on anything realistic.

gabe thinks im being wierd, and maybe i am.



but what the hell do i do to stop these dreams (day and night) and get back to reality? how do i act 'normal' again?



do i even want to ignore these constant moments? im kinda enjoying this world my mind is living in...







help.