black_tar_heroin

i went to a bar to see my friends band play..

i really got on the doorman's nerves by paying with change.. but fuck him... he was beefy as fuck as all doormen are.. they all look really sad and never acknowledge you until you try to walk by them..

i look runty, so i get the shit that goes along with it..

you would image beefy doormen would hate other beefy men... since somewhere along the line they recieved a sports injury... that turned them into a permanent fixture at a bar or club..

i walked in and saw my friends ... sat down..

it was funny seeing ppl i have known for years and since i stay so hidden... it was a rare opp to actually see ppl i knew... or use to know... but my fuck no one in this town changes...

its the law of VA... no one will let anyone advance... you are the same as you were when you were 16..

which is nice.. you never have to explain anything... just show up and ppl have a truck load of opinions about you..

i keep it in my head that ppl love my art and sort of like me..

i wish my art could talk...

or report back to me..

i make a lot of art and the only thing i worry about is what the paintings see.

it was noce sitting down and staying.. i normally get bored of anything longer than 15 min... i sat i stayed... i watched ppl i knew avoid my eyes...while i avoided eye contact... but we looked at each other through the side of our eyes..

like snakes ready to bounce...

time has deformed everyone into chunky versions of their former selves.... its awesome...

i am ugly... but at least i managed to stay small

and its great if you turn fat you have little to no voice...

you are worried someone will bring up how ugly you got..

so you clam up...

the bands were all copies of their fav bands...

that was sort of sickening..

and ppl bitching about the govt

i guess i am a punk... at least the way i think..

too old to have a mohawk... but not old enough to really care..

my friends never showed up... i sat with Frank and he gimaced at everyone.... ppl every once and a while would lean in to tell me some bullshit...

i stared and nodded...

maybe i looked like i cared...

shrug...

i want to have an art show..............zzzzzzzz