My day.
4 AM
When did popping pills become "cool"?
Hum. I use to think being mentally off was cool. I did this when my "problems" were small and cute.
My phobias increase, I am paralyzed in speech.
I drove my father to the airport. My heart is pumping and my thoughts are intrusive, worthless, they all contradict.
I have a dad that isn't sympathetic.
Same with my mother.
They are like get over it.
I see the world as a prison.
I hate being inside and I am afraid of the outside.
When people talk about their ailments, they beef them up, they are all liars.
I don't turn to popping pills or drinking.
And I am of the idea that if you get fucked up you still like yourself, so I think its a myth when people say I am doing this drug becuase I hate myslef, and if you hated yourself, when bad shit happened to you, you would be ecstatic.
It wont help.
I feel good when I paint and then I just feel like shit the rest of the times.
Driving with my dad was bad, because he thinks I am curled up in a ball because I am unhappy I am not entertaining myself. Yeah, that is fucking macho... I curl up, stick my tongue out, grab my nose, and then flip every button in the car.... Wow aren't my problems cool..
I am a grown man that acts like a damn baby.. that is interesting right?
Blah, it doesn't get better. People cant make me feel better and huffing paint isn't much fun.
My main terror in my 20 min drive was. My dad asking me questions and the embarrassing shit of touching every thing and trying to seem sane, I rarely show my friends, hey I hate living but I fear dying, but its in my head, and I assume they can see it in my eyes, look at my user picture, my eyes, I am dead in there...... weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
4 AM
When did popping pills become "cool"?
Hum. I use to think being mentally off was cool. I did this when my "problems" were small and cute.
My phobias increase, I am paralyzed in speech.
I drove my father to the airport. My heart is pumping and my thoughts are intrusive, worthless, they all contradict.
I have a dad that isn't sympathetic.
Same with my mother.
They are like get over it.
I see the world as a prison.
I hate being inside and I am afraid of the outside.
When people talk about their ailments, they beef them up, they are all liars.
I don't turn to popping pills or drinking.
And I am of the idea that if you get fucked up you still like yourself, so I think its a myth when people say I am doing this drug becuase I hate myslef, and if you hated yourself, when bad shit happened to you, you would be ecstatic.
It wont help.
I feel good when I paint and then I just feel like shit the rest of the times.
Driving with my dad was bad, because he thinks I am curled up in a ball because I am unhappy I am not entertaining myself. Yeah, that is fucking macho... I curl up, stick my tongue out, grab my nose, and then flip every button in the car.... Wow aren't my problems cool..
I am a grown man that acts like a damn baby.. that is interesting right?
Blah, it doesn't get better. People cant make me feel better and huffing paint isn't much fun.
My main terror in my 20 min drive was. My dad asking me questions and the embarrassing shit of touching every thing and trying to seem sane, I rarely show my friends, hey I hate living but I fear dying, but its in my head, and I assume they can see it in my eyes, look at my user picture, my eyes, I am dead in there...... weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I want to come steal you and we can paint until our hands are sore and our eyes are tired....
mybe we can find a split moment of happieness... maybe.....
but it doesn't do much in the way of solving them.