bishbash

So i have been away for a while and needed it i think.So far this year i have survived a two week nervous breakdown which made me realise thing aint right in my life.Last year sucked as i lost my Gran(a big thing to me she was the i was closest to and told everything to)my dad and mum were ill my sister split from her boyfriend i had the holiday from hell after our trip to Cuba went tits up with a hurricane destroying our hotel and us ending up in greece after unfortunately the biggest airline in the uk went bust ho hum came home early from that which was a good thing my gran died when i was away.
Me n Chrissy at this point was showing strain on our relationship after her meds and operation didnt help her mood and apparant lack of affection towards me was worrying.
Xmas brought things to a head our dog of 14 years Bruno died cast a gloomy black shadow over things i guess he was our boy in some way or form.
This year saw me work myself into the ground and question my failing marriage until i had my breakdown when pratically i thought evrybody hated me and i couldnt do anything right,work sucked i shouted at evrybody and didnt sleep drank 3 litres of vodka a week to survive i guess them two weeks off saved me.
Finally me n chrissy sat down faced facts and decided we had to seperate not good because i still love her with every last drop of blood pumping round my heart but we seem to have drifted away she i think wants a life that i cant give her but i wouldnt chatise her for that.
We split amically still live together we have decided to sell maybe flatshare we still get on awesomely even thou i went thru that hell thats self doubt and self pity to nigh stalking her to accussing her of having a affair and did some horrrible things i didnt think i was capable of not cool and costly when you boot in a 400 pound pine door.
SO WHERE NOW
Well im scared to death i head to 40 single for the fisrt time in over 20 years im just glad i have a some fantastic friends some on here i lovelock and libra and made some good new ones inannakissed and robsilver they have been a godsend.I also met a girl thru a site whos become a good friend and has kept me from going insane lol.I have broadened my horizons of what i like and need to start living life again as for relationships i wont make the same mistakes again and wallow in normality and that things just run from day to day groundhog shit.
I have a busy month planned of to Nottingham next weekend to see the deadman and alex and cazza then in two weeks me ,chrissy and cazza are offf to manchester to see papa roach then finally a epic trip to London which is fgoing to be my weekend of debauchery and probably the first time i will go out as a singleton and with my buddy lock we will tear down London i have awesome weekend planned a trip to ANTICHRIST after discovering bdsm in a big way over the last 6 months should be fun get to see jennie and my mate katy that weekend should be tops.
So in a nutshell thats me up to date still a bit fragile in my self confidence and what the future holds just hope its with a little more happiness and i get to think about me a bit more which i dont
Sorry for the ultra long blog rant
xxxxx
mr sinn