Current Music: System of a down- Chop Suey
Current Mood: Confused, rambunctious, nostalgic
I've returned. Going back home reminded me of why it is I try to avoid going back; it makes me think too much of the type of girl I used to be, the environment I came out of. I see my childhood friends and they're so fucked up, it makes me sad.
Synopsis:
Tanya- We got into a little skirmish, and so didn't visit while I was down, I think things will be OK in a few days, but for now i'm a little pissed at her and her shallow personality
Heather (other best friend)- Now dating a drug dealer who tells her she is a stupid bitch and a worthless slut on regular intervals. Uses her for money and sadist desire to hurt her
Michelle (yet another best friend): Running with heroin addict guys in her father's trailer park, they flirt with her to get rides for their drug runs
Ex boyfriend- MIA, I have no idea where he is, and hope he is doing fine
All other friends- Have not grown up at all, still gossip about other women like churchy old ladies and quote the Biblical doctrine for everything.
The latter was what bothered me most. I went to visit four of my old Christian friends, and they are still stuck in their homophobic, anti-feminist ways of thinking, they are stuck in the 1600's. They would talk about women they knew who were having sex and call them sluts. Someone they knew claimed to have been raped, and they said it was her fault for "making the guy want her too much." Ack. Hello, it takes two people to have sex, why don't you call the guy a slut too? Also, it isn't anybody else's business if they're fucking someone or not, so stay out of their lives. And it is NEVER under any circumstance a woman's fault for being raped.
They kept talking about how none of them were going to college or how they dropped out of good universities because they were waiting for "the good lord to send them their perfect man" and how they just trusted Jesus to send them a husband to provide for them. I wanted to laugh because one told me that I just had to wait for Jesus to send me the perfect man and everything would be OK. He might be able to turn water into wine, but he can't make me want to suck dick. I love Jesus, I believe in the holy Trinity, but I don't know where I am in my faith right now and need to do lots of soul searching...it is hard to believe in a religion where you are wrong for being gay and it is the most natural feeling in the world to you. I won't stop loving women, I don't think it's a sin, so why should I? I believe in a God but I don't place my faith in organized religion, I don't know how to find a community of people who feel the same way and yet are not cultish and oppressive with their beliefs. I also don't know what to say about a God who doesn't help me in my time of need and seems to ignore me when I try to reach out to him.
They were making fun of homosexuals because they didn't know I was gay. A couple of them did, but the other two didn't. At first I was upset, but then I thought hey, I bet you anything those girls have had fantasies about sticking their tongues in a cheerleader's mouth at least once and they don't know what to do with those feelings other than to point a finger and giggle at somebody else. They wouldn't dare act on that desire, they would never have the courage to live even for one hour the way I live every single fucking day. My intense love for women is so strong that I don't care if I have to be persecuted or discriminated for it. If it bothers somebody that I like girls, then they can get the fuck out of my way.
I am sad, that these beautiful, talented girls refuse to make something of themselves because they were saying "women were made to be a compliment to men." (Exact words) No, women were made to be individuals, not compliments. These girls could be so much more if they tried. They are made of sugar and spice and everything nice; I am made of hellfire, vengence and desire. I'm heading forward in a full speed charge packing heat, ready to annihilate the obstacles in my path. I have too much ambition and passion to ever fucking back down.
I am nobody's compliment.
Current Mood: Confused, rambunctious, nostalgic
I've returned. Going back home reminded me of why it is I try to avoid going back; it makes me think too much of the type of girl I used to be, the environment I came out of. I see my childhood friends and they're so fucked up, it makes me sad.
Synopsis:
Tanya- We got into a little skirmish, and so didn't visit while I was down, I think things will be OK in a few days, but for now i'm a little pissed at her and her shallow personality
Heather (other best friend)- Now dating a drug dealer who tells her she is a stupid bitch and a worthless slut on regular intervals. Uses her for money and sadist desire to hurt her
Michelle (yet another best friend): Running with heroin addict guys in her father's trailer park, they flirt with her to get rides for their drug runs
Ex boyfriend- MIA, I have no idea where he is, and hope he is doing fine
All other friends- Have not grown up at all, still gossip about other women like churchy old ladies and quote the Biblical doctrine for everything.
The latter was what bothered me most. I went to visit four of my old Christian friends, and they are still stuck in their homophobic, anti-feminist ways of thinking, they are stuck in the 1600's. They would talk about women they knew who were having sex and call them sluts. Someone they knew claimed to have been raped, and they said it was her fault for "making the guy want her too much." Ack. Hello, it takes two people to have sex, why don't you call the guy a slut too? Also, it isn't anybody else's business if they're fucking someone or not, so stay out of their lives. And it is NEVER under any circumstance a woman's fault for being raped.
They kept talking about how none of them were going to college or how they dropped out of good universities because they were waiting for "the good lord to send them their perfect man" and how they just trusted Jesus to send them a husband to provide for them. I wanted to laugh because one told me that I just had to wait for Jesus to send me the perfect man and everything would be OK. He might be able to turn water into wine, but he can't make me want to suck dick. I love Jesus, I believe in the holy Trinity, but I don't know where I am in my faith right now and need to do lots of soul searching...it is hard to believe in a religion where you are wrong for being gay and it is the most natural feeling in the world to you. I won't stop loving women, I don't think it's a sin, so why should I? I believe in a God but I don't place my faith in organized religion, I don't know how to find a community of people who feel the same way and yet are not cultish and oppressive with their beliefs. I also don't know what to say about a God who doesn't help me in my time of need and seems to ignore me when I try to reach out to him.
They were making fun of homosexuals because they didn't know I was gay. A couple of them did, but the other two didn't. At first I was upset, but then I thought hey, I bet you anything those girls have had fantasies about sticking their tongues in a cheerleader's mouth at least once and they don't know what to do with those feelings other than to point a finger and giggle at somebody else. They wouldn't dare act on that desire, they would never have the courage to live even for one hour the way I live every single fucking day. My intense love for women is so strong that I don't care if I have to be persecuted or discriminated for it. If it bothers somebody that I like girls, then they can get the fuck out of my way.
I am sad, that these beautiful, talented girls refuse to make something of themselves because they were saying "women were made to be a compliment to men." (Exact words) No, women were made to be individuals, not compliments. These girls could be so much more if they tried. They are made of sugar and spice and everything nice; I am made of hellfire, vengence and desire. I'm heading forward in a full speed charge packing heat, ready to annihilate the obstacles in my path. I have too much ambition and passion to ever fucking back down.
I am nobody's compliment.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
i like to try to remember that organized religion was created by people, and, just like people, it is imperfect. there's no organized religion that any intelligent person will agree with 100%.
christianity in it's purest form- the very basic doctrine of it- is a good thing. it's just that so many people misinterpreted it or twisted it around to be something fucked-up and unpleasant. i'm kind of in limbo about where religion fits in my life, too. i went through a phase where i was extremely anti-god and anti-religion, but then i came to the realization that i just feel better if i believe in something, even if logic tells me it's not likely to exist...