I am Alice, slipping through a rabbithole of horrors into a hellish wonderland. I tried moving into my new place today, the previous occupant had been missing for 3 months so when I opened the door, I was greeted with everything from dirty laundry to rotting chicken wings. My mother and I fought with the landlady who was quite bitchy, yet strangely looked almost exactly like Claudia, only not as cute and not with a good personality like the real Claudia. Anyway, I am in a temporary place of residence, and my internet is not working, so I will be forced to come online less until I go back to my proper residence.
I am on alert. My psychotic ex wrote me the following death threat today:
"My minion how I dispise you, yet at the same time I am in love with you. Everything you stand for I hate. All your actions are manipulative and vicious. Your selfish beauty haunts my soul. I love you only for the way you look, I love you for what is between your legs and on your chest. I want to cut you, I will cut you. I have a feeling you stink of rotten meat inside and maggots consume your death and feed you there excrement. Your egotistical mirror shines right in my f_cking eyes. I want nothing but misfortune and misery for you. You have gone and given your creed a bad name. So it is hate, I can not explain, hate I can not hide, yet I hide it so well. I will not hide anymore I will show you my true colors."
I cannot take her bullshit anymore, I am being pushed to the edge. Tomorrow, I plan to buy pepper spray and a knife, I will learn how to use both expertly to defend myself. If she tries to attack me and kill me, I will go down fighting my hardest. I hate her. She has taken so much from me already, to threaten me further is cowardly and illegal. I will report this to the police. She is truly a sick person, I don't know why I gave the time of day to somebody this sadistic. I will never make the same mistake twice. Right now, I am so hurt, confused, and angry, that I no longer feel Petrarchan, I think maybe I should never date again, or at least before 50 years from now because I need to fully heal from all of her shit, I am actually afraid to love someone again. It seems that the more time passes since we've broken up, the more violent her threats become. If she truly just used me for my body, then why can't she just walk away, I was just another ho, right? I'm talking to my friend's dad, a cop, tomorrow to see what can be done. This is absolutely unacceptable.
I am on alert. My psychotic ex wrote me the following death threat today:
"My minion how I dispise you, yet at the same time I am in love with you. Everything you stand for I hate. All your actions are manipulative and vicious. Your selfish beauty haunts my soul. I love you only for the way you look, I love you for what is between your legs and on your chest. I want to cut you, I will cut you. I have a feeling you stink of rotten meat inside and maggots consume your death and feed you there excrement. Your egotistical mirror shines right in my f_cking eyes. I want nothing but misfortune and misery for you. You have gone and given your creed a bad name. So it is hate, I can not explain, hate I can not hide, yet I hide it so well. I will not hide anymore I will show you my true colors."
I cannot take her bullshit anymore, I am being pushed to the edge. Tomorrow, I plan to buy pepper spray and a knife, I will learn how to use both expertly to defend myself. If she tries to attack me and kill me, I will go down fighting my hardest. I hate her. She has taken so much from me already, to threaten me further is cowardly and illegal. I will report this to the police. She is truly a sick person, I don't know why I gave the time of day to somebody this sadistic. I will never make the same mistake twice. Right now, I am so hurt, confused, and angry, that I no longer feel Petrarchan, I think maybe I should never date again, or at least before 50 years from now because I need to fully heal from all of her shit, I am actually afraid to love someone again. It seems that the more time passes since we've broken up, the more violent her threats become. If she truly just used me for my body, then why can't she just walk away, I was just another ho, right? I'm talking to my friend's dad, a cop, tomorrow to see what can be done. This is absolutely unacceptable.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Aluminum bat...good choice, my friend. I think you are right. I will purchase an aluminum bat. I would be able to wield it better, too. Maybe I could make a sheath for it like a sword, strap it onto my back...it would go well with some of my industrial superhero costumes that I wear on occasion, with my fake bulletproof vest.
when i first read your journal entry, my first reaction was, 'I'LL love you!!' and i totally would, if i wasn't happily married. you're a sweet, pretty, adorable girl.
if you DO date again, maybe you'll hook up with a tough chick who could totally kick her ass! i'd kick her ass, but i'm a weakling.