THIS JOURNAL ENTRY HAS LESBIAN SEX IN IT! It's long, so...there's your incentive!
Um, so yeah. I just got back from being in Texas with Grrlhavoc. I will tell you about all the unique experiences according to day.
Day 1
After much anxiety and anticipation, the plane I transferred to touched down in Houston. I stepped off the plane and spotted Grrlhavoc; immediately Kylie Minogue's "Love at First Sight" played in my head and I ran to her in slow motion. She gave me a big hug. My friends warned me that Grrlhavoc could really be a 500 pound man with an eyepatch that wanted to kidnap and rape me. Well, the joke's on them because she turned out to not ONLY be who she actually said she was, but 2 X's 987 to the 10th power hotter. I got in her funky little 80's car and she blared Placebo, speeding through Houston at the speed of life. I couldn't help but stare at her and she would always catch me, so I would look away real fast. She preyed upon my fear of being arrested from sodomy laws in Texas, which dictate that if you're a same sex couple having anal/oral sex you could be arrested for that.
"Why do you keep looking around with shifty eyes? You afraid the sodomy ninjas are going to get you?" -Grrlhavoc
"I JUST SAW ONE!" -Me
She took me back to her house that is surrounded by strip clubs (coincidence? I think not). I was introduced to her kitty, Spiderman, who she shaved so he looks like he has legwarmers. I met her roomie Ally, who is a big femme stud, and two of her lesbian friends who just recently got married. It was Grrlhavoc's birthday so they bought her this gross-ass porn made by "Seymore Butts" that had Ron Jeremy in it. "That guy doesn't know how to eat pussy! He's doing it all wrong!" Her friends laughed. "How pathetic! His cock looks disgusting!" I could only stand seeing so many dicks before I threatened to vomit profusely and they shut it off.
After her friends left, having cut off their porn supply, we ourselves promptly got it on. Bow-chicka-wow-wow! I'd like to take this time out to say that Grrlhavoc is a raging whackass motherfucking bucking bronco in bed. And she has a superbly gorgeous naked body that should be worshipped at all times. Right now my inner thighs ache from REALLY GOOD SEX. YEEHAW!
Day 2
Grrlhavoc took me out to the gay part of Houston and we checked out the art museum, the gay bookstore, and unfortunately were forced to eat lunch with her ex-girlfriend, whom I have affectionately named "The Princess of Venezuela." because her dad's some rich bigwig Venezuelan guy. She was nice, yes, but made a few subtly tepid remarks that I let slide. She kept "accidentally" showing up at the same places Grrlhavoc and I were showing up at all weekend long. I wanted to say, "Well, I know sodomy is illegal in Texas, but isn't stalking too?" We went home and got ready to go clubbing. I noticed Grrlhavoc had taken 3 showers in the past 24 hours.
"'C'mon, Havoc! You don't need to take another shower! What, do you have OCD?" -Me
*In creepy voice* "...Didn't you know? Two showers a day keeps the germs away..." *Insert psychotic stare* -Grrlhavoc
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGH!" -Me
I met a lot of her friends at dinner. Lesbians in Houston are very moral, tough, and femmey. I like that about them. I would ask one how long she had been with her girlfriend and she would tip her cigarette, look off wistfully and say "The good lord brought her into my life about a year ago..." To which I would have to stifle uncontrollable laughter.
They took me to a gay club in Houston and made me drink a shot called a "buttery nipple." Some girl on the dancefloor was jerking around manically and doing cheerleading high kicks.
"Why is she dancing like that?" -Grrlhavoc
"Maybe she has epilepsy and is just trying to get off the floor." -Me
Havoc and I held each other and danced on the floor, the hottest lesbo couple in the club. Her roomie came and started dancing with both hands situated on her huge belt buckle, knees bent. I laughed and called her a true cowpoke. "This is how we do it, Texas style!" She said. She spun me around, grabbed my shoulders and forced me down so that it looked like she was erratically buttfucking me. Grrlhavoc started riverdancing. We were all intoxicated...ON GOOD TIMES.
So then we went home and had even more sex. Grrlhavoc buys these generic Gatorade juices called "Winners." We were snuggling afterwards, when she jumped up and got one off of her nightstand. She held it above her head and cheered, "I drink Winners because i'm a WINNERRRRRRR!"
Mmm. Oh hell yes you are, baby.
Day 3
Ally and I sat out on the porch and had a dyke to dyke talk about being a lesbian, relationships, and finding ourselves. She insisted that she was a butch, pouting with slightly lipsticked lips. One of Grrlhavoc's friends came over and introduced herself.
"Hi, i'm Bionic." -Me
"Nayme's slippery fuck! Pleased to meet yuh!" -Her friend
"Um..." -Me
"Ah'm Just kiddin, mah nayme's Sondra." -Sondra
I howled in laughter and told her that lesbians in San Francisco do not have senses of humor and are all bitchy, uptight vegans. "Well...Ah reckon thay wouldn't tayke a lahkin' tuh meh in Sayn Fraynciscuh...Ally and Ah layke tuh hunt deer sumtahmes" She said. Femmes that hunt with big guns? What? I was astonished.
AND THEN GRRLHAVOC AND I, AND EVERY LESBIAN IN THE ROOM ATE A HAMBURGER.
So then Grrlhavoc took me to the aquarium along with her two married lesbian friends. I was in awe at the brightly colored fish and little creatures. Grrlhavoc looked so pretty and I wanted to hold her hand in public but was afraid of the sodomy ninjas coming to get me. Outside the aquarium there was a guy in a buff looking shark mascot suit walking around with huge pecs. Grrlhavoc's friend Stephanie expressed the need to "lovingly caress the shark's breasts" much to her wife's approval. I was so happy to see Stephanie and her wife, Catherine, in love. It was a beautiful, beautiful thing, and I have never seen lesbians that committed to each other before. We ate at a cafe afterwards and as a private joke between me and Grrlhavoc about the bitchy vegan lesbians in San Francisco I ordered a boca burger.
"You ain't one of them...vegetarians are you?" -Stephanie
"Are you kidding me? I love bacon, I can't help it!" -Me
I told them all about how lesbians in San Francisco don't believe in deodorant because it's an instrument of the patriarchy and are so concerned with cruelty to animals that they are not at all concerned with the emotional cruelty they deal towards other women. They told me to make fun of the granola butches and glue thick patches of hair to my armpits.
"Yeah, um, they ALL have thick patches of hair on the armpits." -Me
"W-What??? They don't shave their armpits???" -Them
They have not seen the atrocity that is a typical San Francisco butch.
Grrlhavoc and I spent the night cuddling and talking about politics in the dark. I told her about how beautiful she is to me. She told me a couple of nights ago that I had the most intense eyes, but I thought hers were pretty intense too. They are always bright and big, and the color of blueish-gray in them slightly diffuse to look like the reflective bottom of a tidepool in Monterey I saw when I was a little girl. It felt good to sleep next to someone I cared so much about, who would curl up into my chest and had long brown hair that smelled like flowers. Her skin was so soft and warm and her body was really toned. I told her about what a nice body she had and she said, "I'm not obese like Natalie?" "No, you are absolutely not." I said. I had a flashback of the patch of backhair she had and the horribly grotesque and infamous inverted right nipple. The sagging, tender flesh of a mistake I never should have made.
When Grrlhavoc would go into me, she did so very gently and I didn't know penetration could feel that good. Natalie always rammed herself up into me forcefully and made me bleed a couple of times under the pretense of "Sometimes you say to stop but I think you really like it." It hurt a lot and I think it traumatized me in many ways. It was entirely a new experience for me to let someone into that personal space of my body that treasured and respected it. I felt like I could have stayed that way forever. I wanted to.
The next morning, Havoc drove me to GEORGE BUSH INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT so I could catch my flight. We kissed in the car while it was raining out and I gave her my copy of Vice City to play until she comes to visit me in Cali.
My flight was delayed because of a hailstorm and we had to wait an extra hour. Grrlhavoc claimed the sodomy ninjas were setting up an ambush and I imagined them lowering from the ceiling on spy cords yelling "Freeze, ya damned sodomites!" and me sobbing "No, no Grrlhavc. Not like this!" When it was time for me to go to my gate, Grrlhavoc held me and I kissed her defiantly, with tongue, in front of a lot of conservative people and probably a few security cameras. I think I yelled something like "FUCK ANTI-SODOMY LAWS!" and dashed off to the checkpoint. When my plane thrusted into the sky, my heart sank.
I thought about how my dad told me, long ago, that the most beautiful and nicest women in the world come from Texas. (He grew up there.)
That may be the only thing he was ever right about.
Um, so yeah. I just got back from being in Texas with Grrlhavoc. I will tell you about all the unique experiences according to day.
Day 1
After much anxiety and anticipation, the plane I transferred to touched down in Houston. I stepped off the plane and spotted Grrlhavoc; immediately Kylie Minogue's "Love at First Sight" played in my head and I ran to her in slow motion. She gave me a big hug. My friends warned me that Grrlhavoc could really be a 500 pound man with an eyepatch that wanted to kidnap and rape me. Well, the joke's on them because she turned out to not ONLY be who she actually said she was, but 2 X's 987 to the 10th power hotter. I got in her funky little 80's car and she blared Placebo, speeding through Houston at the speed of life. I couldn't help but stare at her and she would always catch me, so I would look away real fast. She preyed upon my fear of being arrested from sodomy laws in Texas, which dictate that if you're a same sex couple having anal/oral sex you could be arrested for that.
"Why do you keep looking around with shifty eyes? You afraid the sodomy ninjas are going to get you?" -Grrlhavoc
"I JUST SAW ONE!" -Me
She took me back to her house that is surrounded by strip clubs (coincidence? I think not). I was introduced to her kitty, Spiderman, who she shaved so he looks like he has legwarmers. I met her roomie Ally, who is a big femme stud, and two of her lesbian friends who just recently got married. It was Grrlhavoc's birthday so they bought her this gross-ass porn made by "Seymore Butts" that had Ron Jeremy in it. "That guy doesn't know how to eat pussy! He's doing it all wrong!" Her friends laughed. "How pathetic! His cock looks disgusting!" I could only stand seeing so many dicks before I threatened to vomit profusely and they shut it off.
After her friends left, having cut off their porn supply, we ourselves promptly got it on. Bow-chicka-wow-wow! I'd like to take this time out to say that Grrlhavoc is a raging whackass motherfucking bucking bronco in bed. And she has a superbly gorgeous naked body that should be worshipped at all times. Right now my inner thighs ache from REALLY GOOD SEX. YEEHAW!
Day 2
Grrlhavoc took me out to the gay part of Houston and we checked out the art museum, the gay bookstore, and unfortunately were forced to eat lunch with her ex-girlfriend, whom I have affectionately named "The Princess of Venezuela." because her dad's some rich bigwig Venezuelan guy. She was nice, yes, but made a few subtly tepid remarks that I let slide. She kept "accidentally" showing up at the same places Grrlhavoc and I were showing up at all weekend long. I wanted to say, "Well, I know sodomy is illegal in Texas, but isn't stalking too?" We went home and got ready to go clubbing. I noticed Grrlhavoc had taken 3 showers in the past 24 hours.
"'C'mon, Havoc! You don't need to take another shower! What, do you have OCD?" -Me
*In creepy voice* "...Didn't you know? Two showers a day keeps the germs away..." *Insert psychotic stare* -Grrlhavoc
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGH!" -Me
I met a lot of her friends at dinner. Lesbians in Houston are very moral, tough, and femmey. I like that about them. I would ask one how long she had been with her girlfriend and she would tip her cigarette, look off wistfully and say "The good lord brought her into my life about a year ago..." To which I would have to stifle uncontrollable laughter.
They took me to a gay club in Houston and made me drink a shot called a "buttery nipple." Some girl on the dancefloor was jerking around manically and doing cheerleading high kicks.
"Why is she dancing like that?" -Grrlhavoc
"Maybe she has epilepsy and is just trying to get off the floor." -Me
Havoc and I held each other and danced on the floor, the hottest lesbo couple in the club. Her roomie came and started dancing with both hands situated on her huge belt buckle, knees bent. I laughed and called her a true cowpoke. "This is how we do it, Texas style!" She said. She spun me around, grabbed my shoulders and forced me down so that it looked like she was erratically buttfucking me. Grrlhavoc started riverdancing. We were all intoxicated...ON GOOD TIMES.
So then we went home and had even more sex. Grrlhavoc buys these generic Gatorade juices called "Winners." We were snuggling afterwards, when she jumped up and got one off of her nightstand. She held it above her head and cheered, "I drink Winners because i'm a WINNERRRRRRR!"
Mmm. Oh hell yes you are, baby.
Day 3
Ally and I sat out on the porch and had a dyke to dyke talk about being a lesbian, relationships, and finding ourselves. She insisted that she was a butch, pouting with slightly lipsticked lips. One of Grrlhavoc's friends came over and introduced herself.
"Hi, i'm Bionic." -Me
"Nayme's slippery fuck! Pleased to meet yuh!" -Her friend
"Um..." -Me
"Ah'm Just kiddin, mah nayme's Sondra." -Sondra
I howled in laughter and told her that lesbians in San Francisco do not have senses of humor and are all bitchy, uptight vegans. "Well...Ah reckon thay wouldn't tayke a lahkin' tuh meh in Sayn Fraynciscuh...Ally and Ah layke tuh hunt deer sumtahmes" She said. Femmes that hunt with big guns? What? I was astonished.
AND THEN GRRLHAVOC AND I, AND EVERY LESBIAN IN THE ROOM ATE A HAMBURGER.
So then Grrlhavoc took me to the aquarium along with her two married lesbian friends. I was in awe at the brightly colored fish and little creatures. Grrlhavoc looked so pretty and I wanted to hold her hand in public but was afraid of the sodomy ninjas coming to get me. Outside the aquarium there was a guy in a buff looking shark mascot suit walking around with huge pecs. Grrlhavoc's friend Stephanie expressed the need to "lovingly caress the shark's breasts" much to her wife's approval. I was so happy to see Stephanie and her wife, Catherine, in love. It was a beautiful, beautiful thing, and I have never seen lesbians that committed to each other before. We ate at a cafe afterwards and as a private joke between me and Grrlhavoc about the bitchy vegan lesbians in San Francisco I ordered a boca burger.
"You ain't one of them...vegetarians are you?" -Stephanie
"Are you kidding me? I love bacon, I can't help it!" -Me
I told them all about how lesbians in San Francisco don't believe in deodorant because it's an instrument of the patriarchy and are so concerned with cruelty to animals that they are not at all concerned with the emotional cruelty they deal towards other women. They told me to make fun of the granola butches and glue thick patches of hair to my armpits.
"Yeah, um, they ALL have thick patches of hair on the armpits." -Me
"W-What??? They don't shave their armpits???" -Them
They have not seen the atrocity that is a typical San Francisco butch.
Grrlhavoc and I spent the night cuddling and talking about politics in the dark. I told her about how beautiful she is to me. She told me a couple of nights ago that I had the most intense eyes, but I thought hers were pretty intense too. They are always bright and big, and the color of blueish-gray in them slightly diffuse to look like the reflective bottom of a tidepool in Monterey I saw when I was a little girl. It felt good to sleep next to someone I cared so much about, who would curl up into my chest and had long brown hair that smelled like flowers. Her skin was so soft and warm and her body was really toned. I told her about what a nice body she had and she said, "I'm not obese like Natalie?" "No, you are absolutely not." I said. I had a flashback of the patch of backhair she had and the horribly grotesque and infamous inverted right nipple. The sagging, tender flesh of a mistake I never should have made.
When Grrlhavoc would go into me, she did so very gently and I didn't know penetration could feel that good. Natalie always rammed herself up into me forcefully and made me bleed a couple of times under the pretense of "Sometimes you say to stop but I think you really like it." It hurt a lot and I think it traumatized me in many ways. It was entirely a new experience for me to let someone into that personal space of my body that treasured and respected it. I felt like I could have stayed that way forever. I wanted to.
The next morning, Havoc drove me to GEORGE BUSH INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT so I could catch my flight. We kissed in the car while it was raining out and I gave her my copy of Vice City to play until she comes to visit me in Cali.
My flight was delayed because of a hailstorm and we had to wait an extra hour. Grrlhavoc claimed the sodomy ninjas were setting up an ambush and I imagined them lowering from the ceiling on spy cords yelling "Freeze, ya damned sodomites!" and me sobbing "No, no Grrlhavc. Not like this!" When it was time for me to go to my gate, Grrlhavoc held me and I kissed her defiantly, with tongue, in front of a lot of conservative people and probably a few security cameras. I think I yelled something like "FUCK ANTI-SODOMY LAWS!" and dashed off to the checkpoint. When my plane thrusted into the sky, my heart sank.
I thought about how my dad told me, long ago, that the most beautiful and nicest women in the world come from Texas. (He grew up there.)
That may be the only thing he was ever right about.
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
iggy24:
that was a very engaging/entertaining piece! u r a good writer i must say...
claudia:
WHOOHOO!! I am so happy for you right now. You so deserved to get your shit rocked by someone worthy of your sweet lovin. I feel like I am living vicariously through you since I am starting to fantasize about women a lot again. Specifically, Nala and Mary. But that's neither here nor there. Again, congrats. The Texas thing is lame though. The very fact that there is no airport named after George Bush should be reason enough for her to come to Cali.