bionicfemme

Thank you for all of your encouragement! The decision is up to Spooky and Missy now, my fate lies with them.

I really just feel like finding a cozy place tonight, curling up with Michelle Tea's "Valencia" and some sort of hot, soothing beverage. I really am the narrator of Valencia, I think I will always be in love with the idea of being in love...in fact, I will give you a list of all of the psychotic women I have dated; it has been almost exactly one year now since I first went on a date with a girl.

Girl 1: Biochem major whose pick up line was "My first time was in a lesbian threesome...huh huh huh." Would talk incessantly for 45 minutes straight about cell mutations and nuclei. Refused to wash her hands after going to the bathroom and insisted on holding my hand afterwards. I didn't even kiss her because she told me she likes sex clubs. I met her when I was dressed in a vinyl dominatrix costume, dancing for my club. I probably asked for it.

Girl 2: Punky girl that bought me a drink, asked for my number, then took me on a date at the movies/coffee. Afterwards, she asked me if I was gay, we met at a gay bar afterall. I said "Um, yes." Then she told me she was straight. Um, OK. Met her at the club.

Girl 3: I call her the chupacabra. She was this hot Mexican chick that descended upon me at the club, made out with me because i'd never kissed a girl before, and left a hickey the size of Montana on my neck that lasted a week. Told me to call her. Every time I called, she hung up. After the fourth time, I decided to not call ever again. She proceeded to stalk me, follow me about the club, and get in-between dance partners and I so I couldn't dance with other girls. Would go up against an adjacent wall and stare at me for hours. Finally stopped stalking me after she got a GF and I beat her in a stage-dancing contest with my patented rapid ass-shaking move. Booyah.

Girl 4: Fashion model from school. Heavy user of cocaine and speed, scary and tweaky. Took me to dinner, kissed me in the taxi home. Then informed me she was straight. Next.

Girl 5: Co-worker with the hots for me. Looks like the afro-american security guard lady in night court. There is no physical attraction I have for her. We end up friends.

Girl 6: N. The big one. Oh Lizbeth, i'm coming lizbeth, it's the big one. I dream of her five times before I meet her, in the dreams she tells me we will meet at the club. And we do. And I have a heart attack because the girl in my dreams has showed up in reality. Some guy on the dancefloor is spinning a towel around and it hit me in the face, she sees this and laughs at me. We end up talking and hanging out, find a very STRONG physical attraction between us. After I inform her I am a virgin she makes it her mission statement to fuck me. I end up complying in 2 weeks like a slut because I want to find out what the big word on the street is about sex. I become very attached, we date for 4 months. During month 4, I find out she has been cheating on me with not one, but TWO of her ex-girlfriends the whole time. NEXT!!!!!

Girl 7: Actress I met from volunteering. Beautiful, identical to Natalie Portman. Notifies me she is only interested in using people for sex and that she isn't sure if this makes her a bad person, after all, she made some guy cry and she felt nothing for it. Flips her hair. I leave because I am disgusted with how someone can be so heartless. Next.

Girl 8: Poet I met from the club. Attractive!!! Sane!!! Intelligent!!! Funny!!! But then someone in her family dies, and in her mourning, tells me she cannot date anymore because she has too much going on in her life. To further illustrate the incest that is the SF lesbo community, I forgot to mention that Girl 8 had already seriously dated Girl 3, and that when Girl 3 gave me that hickey she was currently in the relationship with Girl 8. I didn't know that. Next....

There. Seeing my track record, can you understand why I need a break??? LOL.