bionicfemme

Some horribly retarded straight girls came to the club on Thursday.

My club was having what they call the "drag races" right? Five guys get up on the stage, dress in drag, have talent competitions, and the prettiest, most talented drag queen gets 100 bucks.

So as the competitors got on stage, these five Abercrombie girls got behind me and started yelling "Eww you guys got some little dicks, show us your dicks" and then they disrupted the entire show to tell the host one of them was having a birthday! The host raised a carefully penciled eyebrow and said, "Alright, happy birthday bitch, sit your ass down, nobody cares."

For the first time in history, a drag KING competed. They had a woman in the drag races, and she won! The five straight girls were behind me saying, "Why does that girl dress like a boy and now she wants to dress like a girl, isn't she embarassed of herself?" Then they started yelling "Don't want no short short man" and "Show us your dicks!" to the drag queens. I thought the only people that should have felt embarassed of themselves was those straight girls.

So I turned around and said, "Uh, they're drag queens, they probably don't want their dicks too big, do they?" and then some militant lesbians behind them folded their arms and said "You guys need to SHUT UP." Everyone in the club turned to glare at them. They shut up. The most homophobic one was grabbing my ass. I elbowed her sharply in the stomach. She backed off.

Afterwards, Sherry and I were dancing in the cages, and THE STRAIGHT GIRLS CHALLENGED US IN A DANCEOFF! They came right up on the tier next to the cage and started hooker dancing. I couldn't take it anymore. Sherry raised her fist and said, "We must not allow them to take the cage!" and I said "This is our last line of defense!" The straight girls got into an opposing cage that just opened up and started falsely running each others fingers through their hair in a way that only fake, exhibitionist straight girls can. I turned to Sherry and said "START PLAN B! FREAKY LESBIANS ARE GO!" and we started freaking each other in the cage in a way that only true old school lesbians or bi girls can. The crowd cheered for us.

For once in their lives, the straight girls were ashamed and stepped down out of their cage.

I have a problem with straights that mock us in gay clubs. If you think drag queens are weird and lesbians really just want dick, maybe you should stay out of the last few places we have in this world to be ourselves. It's pathetic we are forced to search for love in these horribly stanky places as it is.

I always get this chick at school that asks me if i'm REALLY gay and tells me that if I ever think i'm bi or straight I can tell her. She thinks i'm not really gay because i've never had sex with a guy. The next time she asks I think i'll just be like "Yeah, I actually am straight. I was just saying that whole 'I'm a lesbian thing' to infuriate you and cover up the fact that I was sleeping with your boyfriend" and walk off.