I didn't know how else to deal with the hate but to cut off a lot of my own hair.
I don't know if you can tell in the pic, but a lot of it is gone and i'd say i'm borderline soft butch now.
I went to another 21+ club with Josie. It has been easy to sneak in lately, they don't even question my ID twice, not like before. I really do think it is because i've lost all that youthful spunk and pizzaz I used to have. This depression has aged me greatly, I even see wrinkles now.
It was a rap club and there were no cute girls there, except for one named Elysia. This weird little Arabian chick that was half a foot shorter than me took it upon herself to go and play dating service for me with this hot girl, Elysia, and I was really pissed at this Arabian chick because i'd only known her for five seconds and she just decided to go over to Elysia and basically say, "My friend likes you" thereby making me look like a total idiot.
Anyway, Elysia came by and talked to me, and MY GOD that woman was hot. She looked a lot like Trillion from SG. Anyway, she soon took it upon herself to start stroking my shoulder and my arm, sometimes my leg. Whisper answers to my questions in my ear and nuzzle her cheek against mine. Somehow "accidentally" stand so that her boob was brushing against my arms, which were folded standoffishly out of silence. She wouldn't really pay attention to the questions I asked her, and she didn't talk much. She just touched me a lot.
She would flirt, than dance with another girl in front of me, then flirt, then dance with another girl in front of me. It was really very odd.
After a while she said she had to go, and she gave me a kiss on the back of my hand and left.
And the Arabian chick told me, at the end of all of this, that Elysia had a girlfriend anyway.
Sorry i'm referring to that girl as the "Arabian chick." I don't remember her name and i've had some beer, so i'm feeling pretty weird right now.
Anyway, I didn't know what to think of the bar. They played rap and bad 80's lesbian porn on the television sets. I was disgusted by the trashy women around me.
And to tell the truth, I am very unhappy because Natalie, after apologizing for the millionth time, has quit talking to me again, for absolutely no reason, as though she's angry at me. I called her last night and she picked up the phone and said hello, but then her mom came on the other line and when she found out it was me, said Natalie was "unavailable" and hung up, even though Natalie had already said hello.
I don't know what I did wrong. And the last time I saw her for lunch, let's just say...she wasn't interested in much else than trying to screw me again.
I am unhappy and I hate my life. These girls I meet only care about how I look. Even though i've only fucked one person, my mind has been raped severely by a train of women that don't care. I feel like a goddamned whore and nobody wants me for anything but my body or my looks.
Things cannot continue on this way, and i've been telling the same stories on this journal for an entire year.
If things don't change soon, God would be merciful to let me die.
I don't want to live like this anymore. I can't.
If you want to know the truth, I don't have the strength to.
I don't know if you can tell in the pic, but a lot of it is gone and i'd say i'm borderline soft butch now.
I went to another 21+ club with Josie. It has been easy to sneak in lately, they don't even question my ID twice, not like before. I really do think it is because i've lost all that youthful spunk and pizzaz I used to have. This depression has aged me greatly, I even see wrinkles now.
It was a rap club and there were no cute girls there, except for one named Elysia. This weird little Arabian chick that was half a foot shorter than me took it upon herself to go and play dating service for me with this hot girl, Elysia, and I was really pissed at this Arabian chick because i'd only known her for five seconds and she just decided to go over to Elysia and basically say, "My friend likes you" thereby making me look like a total idiot.
Anyway, Elysia came by and talked to me, and MY GOD that woman was hot. She looked a lot like Trillion from SG. Anyway, she soon took it upon herself to start stroking my shoulder and my arm, sometimes my leg. Whisper answers to my questions in my ear and nuzzle her cheek against mine. Somehow "accidentally" stand so that her boob was brushing against my arms, which were folded standoffishly out of silence. She wouldn't really pay attention to the questions I asked her, and she didn't talk much. She just touched me a lot.
She would flirt, than dance with another girl in front of me, then flirt, then dance with another girl in front of me. It was really very odd.
After a while she said she had to go, and she gave me a kiss on the back of my hand and left.
And the Arabian chick told me, at the end of all of this, that Elysia had a girlfriend anyway.
Sorry i'm referring to that girl as the "Arabian chick." I don't remember her name and i've had some beer, so i'm feeling pretty weird right now.
Anyway, I didn't know what to think of the bar. They played rap and bad 80's lesbian porn on the television sets. I was disgusted by the trashy women around me.
And to tell the truth, I am very unhappy because Natalie, after apologizing for the millionth time, has quit talking to me again, for absolutely no reason, as though she's angry at me. I called her last night and she picked up the phone and said hello, but then her mom came on the other line and when she found out it was me, said Natalie was "unavailable" and hung up, even though Natalie had already said hello.
I don't know what I did wrong. And the last time I saw her for lunch, let's just say...she wasn't interested in much else than trying to screw me again.
I am unhappy and I hate my life. These girls I meet only care about how I look. Even though i've only fucked one person, my mind has been raped severely by a train of women that don't care. I feel like a goddamned whore and nobody wants me for anything but my body or my looks.
Things cannot continue on this way, and i've been telling the same stories on this journal for an entire year.
If things don't change soon, God would be merciful to let me die.
I don't want to live like this anymore. I can't.
If you want to know the truth, I don't have the strength to.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Tane
And I don't care about your looks. If I can feel that they're not the best thing you have to give, there's got to be others. Don't get me wrong, I think you're cute. I just don't care.