bionicfemme

Ok, so here's what happened yesterday.

So I went to the interview, and the office was located deep in the heart of The Mission. ACK! I was accosted by at least 10,000 nasty old Mexican men that would yell things like "Ay Mami" or "Oh, that hair" at me. My fists stood at the ready retaining their previously taught Taekwondo moves.

HIYAH!!!

I reached the building and went inside.

EVERYBODY working for Girlfriends magazine is hot. I'm not kidding around here. They're all hot lesbians between 22-27 with colored hair, piercings, etc. THIS IS WHERE THEY'VE BEEN HOARDING THEM!!!!

I was greeted by a chick named Lauda and her friend Catherine. We sat down and talked for a while. The interview was not so long, i'd say about 30 minutes. I think I said all of the things I was supposed to and was very friendly and kept direct eye contact, but I was nervous. I kept stuttering and my pitch was that of Ralph Wiggum. I was like, "Ok, you can ONLY be Porky Pig or Ralph Wiggum, you are only allowed ONE speech impediment. ONE!" Here's how I think I came off:

Pros: Enthusiastic, friendly, eager to do all the grunt work around the office, thinks the magazine diversifies and knows its more than just porn

Cons: Nervous, skittish, young, inexperienced. Can only work 12 hours when our ideal amount is 15.

I just can't work 15 hours. I've got a full load this semester and honestly can't handle more than 12. Even then, I feel like that's pushing it a little.

I told them about how I recruited Erika Lopez for my last magazine and how I was such a big fan of her, how I had read all of her books. (I wrote to Erika in High School when I thought I liked girls but wasn't sure.) I haven't been in touch with her recently, but have been to some of her readings and she knows who I am. Well anyway, the chick interviewing me cracked a joke about UPS workers from Lopez's third book and I hadn't read the book in 2 years so I forgot the joke. OOOPS! I hope she doesn't think i'm a pathological liar. It's just been so long since i've read that book and anybody that's read Lopez knows she drifts EVERYWHERE with her stories.

They said, "You won't be writing, this isn't a glamorous position. It is mainly just grunt work around here, office admin." and I said, "DUDE! I LOVE THIS MAGAZINE, I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO HELP OUT!" and they both kind of got these cheesy grins and looked at each other.

Bow-chicka-wow-wow.

So anyway, they asked me what days I would be able to work and what hours. Then they said they would be officially done interviewing on Monday, gave me their card to follow up, and on my way out Louda said she would email me.

Yipes, is that a good thing or a bad thing? I REALLY want this job. Well, who cares, they gave me two magazines with naked women in them and a freakin' calender of naked women. This may be the ONLY job interview I walk away from with an armful of free lesbian porn.

As I was walking down the street, a psychic rushed me and gave me a free reading. She pulled my hand towards her and said, "Ah, I can see here you're very unhappy because you're not getting any sex."

THIS IS TRUE! But jeez lady, was the fact that I was carrying around an armful of lesbian porn in broad daylight a giveaway?

But then she said that I was having problems dating men and all this crap, and then demanded 10 more bucks for an additional reading. I said no. She said, "You know I did a good job!" and I said "Yeah, except for the fact I don't do guys" and started walking off. She said, "I TOLD you they gave you a bunch of problems! That's why you don't date them anymore!"