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bionicfemme

Member Since 2002

Followers 82 Following 46

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Saturday Feb 01, 2003

Feb 1, 2003
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Went to a lesbian performance art thingy tonight. This butch that was even shorter than me came up and asked if she could sit down and talk and stuff. So she hung out with me at the show and then asked for my number afterwards.

I'd like to clarify that I DON'T want to date anyone right now.

It seems like when chicks ask for my number, I turn into that fat guy from office space. You know, "But-I-I-Um-I-No-I..." It seems impossible for me to say no because I don't want to seem rude. Also, my "try anything once" attitude gets me into trouble. I think "Well, there's only 10 gay women on the planet, so why not" instead of really giving a girl my number becasue I want to. This could explain the multiple psychotic women i've dated.

Emotionally, I feel like the women I have dated have all taken their turns punching me in the stomach REALLY hard (with Natalie striking the hardest blow) and now, not only am I slumped against a wall coughing up blood, but I no longer feel anything.

Everything tastes and smells and...hurts like Natalie.

Talking to her again just reopened a wound and allowed the toxin to further spread.

Until the toxin is cleansed from my mind and soul, I don't want to be with anyone at all. This is a quarantine.

I can't feel anything anymore.

That is probably why the butch, who turned out to be 25 years old, was shocked to find that I was 20.

And this is why I said no when she asked me to come back to her place after the show. I'm not a fucking whore.

I want everyone to back the fuck away. I don't have time for games anymore, and I will not wear the slave crown all these women want me to wear.

I'm not anybody's whore, or sugar-daddy, or compliment to their ex-girlfriend. Nothing feels right anymore and nobody ever sees past those three archetypes.

I wonder if anyone will ever see me for who I am. And stop trying to be so cool around me. I would be infinitely MORE turned on by a girl who made an armpit farting noise and asked for my number than one who did her stupid little pout and asked me to go back to her place after the show.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
superscott:
i thought i was lord of the dance. yeah girls suck right now for me too. booooo girls. bok
Feb 2, 2003
g_felix:
Hey Bionicfemme,

You can't really blame her for wanting your number or to have you come back to her place, can you? You're cute!

If seeing Natalie again opened up a festering wound, then it was good that you saw her again. If the wound was festering, then you were keeping it all inside. A wound has to be cleansed or cauterized. If the wound is not taken care of, then it will eat you alive.

Why don't things feel right? Are you looking for a long term relationship and everyone around you is looking for a quick fix for their hormones?

It sounds like you are comparing everyone you meet with Natalie. Cut the ties. Let her go. All bonds can be broken through abuse or neglect. Sometimes you still have to consciously let go.

Its like not scratching when you itch but you cannot compare anyone with Natalie. She is an orange. You might meet a grape, apple, peach, or even a tangerine. Everyone is unique. Find out who they are. Make sure they are interested in YOU, too.

And you will find someone who is interested in you for who you are. It's tough! I did not meet the woman I would marry until I was 26 despite all my attempts to rush it.

Hang in there! Don't get too discouranged, ok?
Feb 2, 2003

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