bionicfemme

I saw my dad today. He was kind enough to give up watching the superbowl to spend the afternoon with me.

We talked about many things and...I realized that I am starting to love my dad. Which will make things harder when he dies from his heart problems.

I liked spending time with him. I realized we had many things in common that I didn't see before. He is a major social activist and now I see that most of my Bionic power comes from him.

He ended up crying in the restaurant again. I did not cry because one of us needs to be strong. He showed me some of his writing and I wanted so badly for my hand to reach into my purse and show him the article that was circulated to 30,000 people. To show him the bio that followed it, that listed my secret accomplishments for the past four years.

But I couldn't do it because the article is about my experiences as a lesbian. I know he has very little time left on this earth, so I don't want to hurt him by telling him the truth.

My dad is a writer turned lawyer. I think most of my knack for writing came from him. He handed me a slip of paper and said, "I wrote something for you." It said:

Who are you?

You are every movie you ever saw, every joke you ever heard, every hope you ever dreamed, every song you ever sang, every story ever told to you, eery proverb of saying you ever learned, every emotion you have ever felt...

I am that same person.

Dad, I love you. Finally, I love you. And I will never show you the tears that come from that because I save them for when you are gone. And I will save them for when you return to the Earth.

And Fate, fuck you. Fuck you for the abuse and the violence, the circumstance and just the horribly bad luck I have had to weather in my life. Thank you for giving me the father I always dreamed for when he only has a little while longer left to live.

But you know what, Fate?

I am a Bionic Femme, and I don't go down like the rest. At the end of the day, I do not say I am a beautiful girl or a smart one, or even a funny one.

I say I am a perseverant one.

Give me everything you've got, Fate. I will take the pain you give me and weave it into a chain of silver as a sacrifice for you to slip upon your wrist.

And we will be bound, then.