bionicfemme

I'd like to take a moment to reflect upon...spirituality.

I have been thinking very much lately about how all of these recent events in the Middle East do resemble certain passages in Revelations...back in Christian High School, they always described what would happen after 2000. I was skeptical, but then everything they said started with 9/11 and has been continuing since then.

I don't know if we are going to war, and if we do, i'm afraid of being bombed because I live in a big city. In case we do, i'd like to get my spirituality back on track...but I don't know what to believe ever since I came out.

The thing I don't like about Christianity is the fear that is always put upon an individual. "Change your ways or else you will eternally suffer in a pit of flames." I don't like the threatening part of religion; would a God of love really want us to live in fear, and would he really fling us into eternal torment if one should...oh...only be in relationships with women because relationships with men naturally makes her physically ill?

Spirituality has been resurging back in my life. There is a mysterious old man I occasionally run into named "Uncle Harry" on the street. He calls himself a "Stranger of Bethlehem" and each time I meet him, it always occurs before a very pivotal point in my life. He always says something that doesn't make sense at the time, but does later. The first time I met him, I soon realized I was gay a couple of weeks later. The second time I met him, I lost my virginity afterwards. I ran into him again the other day.

All he said was, "Hey young lady...better take time off of dating. You go out with those gentlemen every night and never make time for yourself!" Then he laughed and walked away.

And I thought, "What the hell? I haven't dated a guy in nearly 5 years!"

Something big is going to happen soon. I don't know what, but I am feeling like this is the apocalypse, solely because we are on the brink of war and everything I never thought possible is happening.

I joked with my friend at the beginning of the last year saying, "The apocalypse is upon us. I had sex and smoked pot for the first time. We are all going to die. We are living in the last days, my friend."

My dad wrote me a letter signed, "Love, Your Proud Father." Never saw that one coming.

And I am beginning to have no need for relationships because I am beginning to believe more in myself.

My eyes are gradually being opened to a blinding daybreak.

And I don't want to die. And if I do...I don't want to suffer forever because I like kissing girls. I'm not a bad person. I don't use people. I try to do the right thing and change the world with positivity.

I wonder if God sees that? Or if he just sees a dyke.