bionicfemme

Yesterday had a small defeat, but reaped great rewards. I think I now know that I am clearly, without a doubt, the Bionicest of Femmes.

I walked down the street with the silver bracelet jangling in my purse. I was intent on selling the thing, when my friend Heather suggested that instead, I give it to a homeless person. (A) How great is it to say, if asked, "Ah yeah, I don't have your virginity bracelet anymore 'cause I gave it to some homeless guy?" (B) How rewarding is it internally, to give something that valuable to a person so poor?

I found an erratic man selling street sheets on Haight. At first I passed him by, but then I retrieved the silver bracelet. "Here. Sir, I don't have any money on me right now, but please take this silver bracelet. Hopefully you could maybe sell it and buy yourself some food. Please take it." I gave it to him and dropped it in the palm of his weathered, beautiful black hands. He grinned at me with all two of his teeth and said thank you. And then he gave me a hug.

And in that moment I thought, "I am touching human flesh. It is not the naked flesh of a woman, but I am still touching another human being. There are people out there who notice the things I do. I have a purpose on this planet."

I hope maybe he can get a good amount of money for it, as the quality was pretty damn good. I wish that I could take all of my painful memories and turn them into things that would help other people live. Somewhere, someone will buy the bracelet from the pawnshop and not know its history, just know they are wearing a beautiful thing. The man will get to eat good food for a couple of days. (And if he spends it on smack, hell, maybe he'll have a good trip.)

And I, by giving away a silver band, broke free from one more steel chain.

The poetry reading didn't turn out so well. For some odd reason, most of the attendees ended up being 30 years old. When I read my article about Girls Gone Wild, etc, it was not received very well, everybody was pretty silent. Then again, last time I was screaming at the top of my lungs about caramel apple pussies, I suppose that is more entertaining. And besides, I had to go after a reader named Tara whom I had seen perform before (she opened for Michelle Tea so you KNOW she rocked the mic) and obviously I was not going to be as good as her.

The hottest vegan in the world, O, was in attendance with her husband and afterwards they said they were going to go do "Married things." LOL! O was sooo sweet and she said I did a good job, but I told her she was just being nice 'cause she's a hippie. Heather, Christina, Carolyn, and my friend Maria all came to see me, and Christina was sweet enough to give me Hershey kisses! Then she said, "If you're good tonight, you'll get some real ones back home" and I bit my lip thinking "ARRRGH less teasin' more pleasin!"

Lately, my friends have really been there for me and I am beginning to see that even if i'm not in a relationship, there are sweet people both online and offline who really love me. They're giving me the strength to be strong, finally i'm beginning to think that everything will be OK.