Crazy b-femme adventure #6,372: The tale of the disgruntled sex-deprived lesbian
Why am I crying?
Am I still sad
because of my
lost maidenhead?
-Sappho
Today it has been officially one year since I traded in my v-card for a lot of bullshit drama.
I think it happened at the right time, just with the wrong girl. But I felt I had to get it over with. Like going to the shop and getting a tattoo. "Fuck it, yes this is permanent and life altering, but if I don't do it now i'll never get it done!"
So a year now and little b-femme is all grown up.
But it is 3:40 am and I cannot sleep. The couple above me has been rabbit fucking for the past 2 hours. I figured, "What the hell. If i'm not getting laid on the one year anniversary since I lost my virginity, then nobody in the entire world deserves to have sex today!!!!"
I couldn't take the sounds of mattress springs and exaggerated moaning anymore. So I turned up my stereo to 10, blasted the Matrix lobby shooting spree themesong. Put on a bandanna. Took out a tube of hemp lip gloss out of a black purse with handcuffs hanging out of the side. Ran up one flight of stairs to kick somebody, anybody's ass.
They stopped before I could knock on the door. I can't sleep and this is not good because I am performing at the Oral Fixation slam today. How appropriate. Last year, an Oral Fixation in the sexual sense. This year, one in the literary sense.
I will find the silver bracelet she gave me. She left at 8am, probably to run back home before her other girlfriend caught her. Not that I knew about the other girlfriend. I was happy to have found a girl that took me out to a comedy club and brought me roses by the dozens. If anything will get you laid with ol' b-femme, it's a date to a comedy club.
She took the bracelet from off of her own wrist and said, "Something to remember me by."
I need to find a pawn shop. I'm selling it. I have to get rid of the damn thing. I remembered that I always wore it until I realized the silver burned. It tends to do that to mythological creatures.
And yeah, I lost it all to a hard trance CD. Couldn't find my strobe light. I always thought it would be funny to be deflowered in a strobe light. Hurt like a muthafucka. You think losing your virginity to a woman doesn't hurt? Think again.
I remembered I didn't even fake an orgasm. I didn't know how to.
Why am I crying?
Am I still sad
because of my
lost maidenhead?
-Sappho
Today it has been officially one year since I traded in my v-card for a lot of bullshit drama.
I think it happened at the right time, just with the wrong girl. But I felt I had to get it over with. Like going to the shop and getting a tattoo. "Fuck it, yes this is permanent and life altering, but if I don't do it now i'll never get it done!"
So a year now and little b-femme is all grown up.
But it is 3:40 am and I cannot sleep. The couple above me has been rabbit fucking for the past 2 hours. I figured, "What the hell. If i'm not getting laid on the one year anniversary since I lost my virginity, then nobody in the entire world deserves to have sex today!!!!"
I couldn't take the sounds of mattress springs and exaggerated moaning anymore. So I turned up my stereo to 10, blasted the Matrix lobby shooting spree themesong. Put on a bandanna. Took out a tube of hemp lip gloss out of a black purse with handcuffs hanging out of the side. Ran up one flight of stairs to kick somebody, anybody's ass.
They stopped before I could knock on the door. I can't sleep and this is not good because I am performing at the Oral Fixation slam today. How appropriate. Last year, an Oral Fixation in the sexual sense. This year, one in the literary sense.
I will find the silver bracelet she gave me. She left at 8am, probably to run back home before her other girlfriend caught her. Not that I knew about the other girlfriend. I was happy to have found a girl that took me out to a comedy club and brought me roses by the dozens. If anything will get you laid with ol' b-femme, it's a date to a comedy club.
She took the bracelet from off of her own wrist and said, "Something to remember me by."
I need to find a pawn shop. I'm selling it. I have to get rid of the damn thing. I remembered that I always wore it until I realized the silver burned. It tends to do that to mythological creatures.
And yeah, I lost it all to a hard trance CD. Couldn't find my strobe light. I always thought it would be funny to be deflowered in a strobe light. Hurt like a muthafucka. You think losing your virginity to a woman doesn't hurt? Think again.
I remembered I didn't even fake an orgasm. I didn't know how to.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
you are the bees knees. thank you for reading your piece. i definitely will not be missing any more poetry slams that you invite me to. it was really fun.
also, i think i have a thing for that storm character. ROWR.
love,
o