bionicfemme

Last year, I think something irreplaceable died in me.

Maybe it didn't die; maybe it was just exchanged. It's like I went through mental puberty. I was told so many horrible things and didn't emerge for so long. When I did, I think I found everything mythological in me turned to stone.

I lost the little girl, but became a woman. I grew up, even though I left so many things behind.

It hurt to even breathe sometimes, with ghosts of abuses whispering in my ear. "I used you for your body" "I never loved you" "Nobody else will ever fall in love with you, you can't break up with me."

But I did. I walked away. Sorrow turned into fear, then hate, then rage. A vow to punish all.

Sometimes, I think i'm still afraid of the past repeating. The insults. Discovering there's another woman. But i'm learning to trust. It's like uncovering a wound long pressed and crusted over.

I don't think...I don't think anyone has ever been as genuine to me as you have. And I think I can honestly say, up until now, I have not had one healthy experience dating. Out of the 16 men and women I have dated, they've all treated me like complete and utter shit.

But not you, Bloom. You're different. I don't think you'll hurt me.

I believe in you.

I can tell this by something as small as the way you hold my hand. The way you coddle me as something tiny and precious, yet don't treat me as though i'm a doll.