bionicfemme

Hahaha....called Natalie tonight and she will call me back later, as she is out with her mother.

Why? I don't know why. I think we should talk. I'm tired of running on rage. I always trick myself into thinking that rage is a good thing, that if I get frenzied enough and kick open X amount of doors that the adrenaline will rush to my head and make the bad, bad things go away. or at least give me the power to fight them.

I don't want to be a hateful woman anymore. I'm tired of thinking about the bad things of her and I want to get everything resolved.

And...I want to know if she ever loved me. I don't know if any of you have ever had a circumstance where you've loved someone and at the end of the relationship, you weren't sure any of it was real, but at the same time you're absolutely sure? It's odd, I can't explain it.

I think at this point, both of us just need peace. She needs to be absolved of her sins, and I need a reason to stop hating.

Must be the fevers. Only the fevers could make me delirious enough to think like this.

I...miss her. God that sounds stupid!