bionicfemme

Headline: PROFUSE AMOUNTS OF WOMAN LOVE! BEST NIGHT EVER!!!!

Two basic women rules reinforced tonight:
(1) Women at clubs just want to use you for make out purposes, they don't actually care about who you are
(2) They're extremely possessive, even when they don't hold themselves to that same standard.

So i'm dancin', and this blonde raver chick that looks a hell of a lot like Tatum comes up. I wanted to say, "Holy shit, are you Tatum? Don't you live in the midwest?" So she comes to the foot of the stage and asks if i'm one of the paid dancers. I say no, I am not official with the club, but I hang out with the employees and am one of their unofficial dancers. She said she wanted to dance with me and she is HIGHLY drunk. She kept screaming "I wanna show the crowd my nipple piercings!" repeatedly. So I pulled her up on stage, where she fell flat on her face in front of me because she was intoxicated. I laughed.

So we proceeded to dance and...well...dancing with her felt like clutching an old woman and rolling down a hill at 500 mph underwater. Don't ask. She kept giggling hysterically, interjecting the words "totally" into everything and saying she'd never danced with a girl before, (because she thought all lesbians just HATED bi girls) that she wanted to go center stage and do it in front of everyone, so we did.

"I'm a psych major, what about you?" -Kim
"Um, i'm an English major." -Me
"What do you want to do?" -Kim
**Makes scribbling motion** -Me
"EW! You wanna write books? About what?" -Kim
"Short stories, comedic first person narratives about lesbianism." -Me

She gets a confused look on her face and goes to dance with a guy because she says she likes the attention it generates. I go to the front of the stage and do some moves that draw a crowd. Then she comes back and says "I want you" and just slams me up against this wall and starts making out with me?

I knew she was using me to get attention from guys. I wanted to say, "Go on, hunt a dyke and skin her. We've pretty pelts. You'll be the life of the party with a dyke skin scarf. Everyone will adore you."

So I think I might be a dominatrix. I don't know. I joke around about it a lot and have handcuffs dangling out of my purse now, but I like to scratch and bite a lot. She claimed she liked that. So I bit her harder. Her neck was so salty for some odd reason...I think Epsom owns the rights to it. Then she said, "Let's make out on the floor on stage!" and I said, "Um...I don't know..." so then she just lies on the floor on the stage and pulls me on top of her? Then we're hardcore making out ON THE FLOOR OF THE STAGE and the whole crowd is screaming for us, pelvic thrusts in rhythm and all. Then I get off of her and she FLASHES THE ENTIRE CLUB! I was somewhat embarassed so I went to get a drink.

The old, gentlemanly bionic would have bought her a drink too.
I chose not to buy her a drink. I knew I would never talk to her again.

So then Sherry and I go back onto the dancefloor and I see our dear friend Kim making out with some chick! So I said, "Fuck it, Sherry. Let's get dirty in the cages in front of the entire club. I'm playing rough this time." We got in the cages and Sherry did severely PORNOGRAPHIC dance moves that I sure are illegal in most of the states. She put her head between my legs and everything. I did NOT expect that!

So then we got out of the cages, after the whole club had seen that, and danced on the floor. Kim approached. "Who's THIS? Are you with her or something? You know, you can't just go and make out with me and then make out with somebody else too!" My eyes rolled back into my head and all I could think was "Hypocrite. YOU made out with somebody else!" I wasn't even doing anything with Sherry, we were just dancing. "Chill Kim. She's a friend, OK. Deal with it." And then I turned around and kept dancing with Sherry. So then she got behind me and they sandwiched me?

"She's cute, isn't she? She's mine. I made out with her first." -Kim
"Ha! Oh what's that? You're losing the beat. You're not a very good dancer, are you? She likes me because i'm a better dance partner." -Sherry
"WHAT?" -Kim

I stepped out of their way and they started shoving each other. I thought, "Holy fuck! A bitchfight over me? Not possible!" Then they quit shoving each other and agreed to share. I didn't care anymore. Told you I'm going cheap. Kim slammed me against a wall and shoved her tongue down my throat to prove some sort of ownership. Immediately afterwards, some chick that looked exactly like Pam Grier came up from behind and screamed "Goddamn, baby!" and grabbed my ass. At this point, I was very confused.

I'm gonna git you, SUCKA!

So then Kim gave me her number.

Nobody wants a relationship; now I don't want one. No more Petrarchan idiot. I'd rather swallow glass than be someone's girlfriend. I've had enough of ownership and hypocrisy and psychosis. Everyone hides behind "I'm so hurt, I can't love again" blah blah blah. Now I'm afraid too. It's so cliche.

I'm afraid i'll become just like Natalie, who was always so afraid of anything genuine, never wanted to be committed. She always had a veil of soullessness clouding her eyes. Her eyes were always so beautiful, but always so very dead.

I looked in the mirror the other day and realized I had them now. They were even green, just like hers.