bionicfemme

EPIC ADVENTURES IN B-FEMME'S LIFE #1!!!!:

Yeah, so the Garbage and Distillers show was the best fucking show I have ever seen in my entire life. I had so many adolescent non-acid flashbacks that I thought I was freaking out. It was all worth it, I had to use my bionic powers of DIY and travel for TWO HOURS by train on my lonesome because my friends are fucked and they flaked. Can I just take the time out to say that every person i've met from sg.com as been 10,000,000,000 times nicer, funnier, smarter, more attractive, and more reliable than anybody I remotely know in real life? My first ride was from my hometown and she flaked because her car broke; she mysteriously couldn't borrow anybody else's car to come to SF. When buying tickets, I had the option of getting good seats in Sacramento and shit seats in San Jose. I picked San Jose because I knew somehow the fates would smite me by giving everybody car trouble, as that is what happened FOUR YEARS AGO when I was supposed to see Garbage for my 16th birthday. Since then, I resolved that only death would stop me from seeing them if they ever returned to Cali.

So I got to the concert, which was no problem to find, as it was right in front of the station. I was surrounded by yuppies, teenyboppers, and heterosexual couples. MY KRYPTONITE!!!!! I feebly tried to sneak onto the floor section with the last of my powers but was apprehended by an old man...so I went into the upper levels and snuck my way up about 10 rows slowly. My seats were pretty good, actually.

Brody came on and I swear to God I must've fuckin' wet myself, all of a sudden I was 17 in High School again in the mosh pit, jumping around just to feel her spit on me. After her first song she took off her shirt and was wearing this really small tank top/bra thing and I SO wanted to bitchfight the guards to get on the floor....mee-yowww! I laughed because she sang my post-virginity song: Gypsy Rose Lee. Yup, after six whole hours of mad fucking in my dorm room whilst the roomie was away, I woke up to a naked girl and thought, "Shit! I've just woken up to a naked girl!" I rolled out of bed and hopped over on tiptoes to the stereo like a crazy imp, put on the Distillers and Gypsy Rose Lee.

When I love you baby,
I mean it more than just
The whole world,
And when
I see a picture that's instant
Lost tonight,
Baby it burns.

She sang it so beautifully that my heart went out to her and I remembered Natalie painfully...but then I thought that this concert was so wonderful and the music was so good that at every well-sung note I would have traded a thousand loves for it.

Shirley Manson came out and you best believe I punched my way to a new row. God that woman is funny. She sang "Cup of Coffee" which is one of my favorite songs and said beforehand, "This is going out to all the ladies. I'm going to sing you a dark, miserable, depressing love song. You know, the kind that makes you ovulate." WHAT THE FUCK!!???" She later proceeded to sing "Push It" and at one part in the song LOOKED DIRECTLY AT ME AND POINTED. She said "I'm sorry that I hurt you [points to me?!] please don't ask me why. I want to see you happy. I want to see you shy." and then she grins and spins around, running to the other side of the stage.

SHIRLEY MANSON POINTED AT ME! OH HELL YES!!!!! And I really think she couldn't have selected more APPROPRIATE lyrics!!! I was totally in love with her. She did bad, bad things with a microphone while wearing a skirt. I have never wanted to be a microphone more in my entire life. I can't believe my first woman crush sang that line to me, it couldn't have been funnier. I totally idolized her image back in the day when I was a backup singer for an amateur Christian rock group (YEAH YEAH! SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!) Funny that the same mouth goes from singing on stage to hundreds about Jesus to eating pussy and saying "fuck" every two words.

Gwen Stefani came on and SHE LOOKED LIKE A DRAG QUEEN. She looked horrible! Her hair was so fake and I was laughing because I was thinking, "Rupaul? Paging Rupaul?" She danced horribly too, like one of those drugged out hippies on Haight Street that stumble-dance in front of Amoeba. Her voice was so horrible and squealy that all I could think was, "Damn. If I ever fucked a girl that sounded like that I would be forced to cover her mouth with my other hand just to not hear her." I left in the middle of the performance.

At the merch table I was buying a Distillers shirt (as all of the other shirts costed 40!!!) when someone came from behind and hugged me. I flipped out and spun around, ready to hit the offender...it was Natalie's best friend, Franchesca. (I can't even go to take a shit without somehow running into her!) We talked about the concert and I said No Doubt sucked my ass, to which she said, "You didn't come here for NO DOUBT? You came for Garbage and the Distillers!!??" and I KNEW that goddamned mohawk she runs around with was all a sham...she's nothing more than a teenybopper.

"Natalie misses you. You're all she talks about. She won't stop talking about you, actually. It's a little annoying. She says she can't get you out of her head lately and that she feels horrible about everything she's ever done to you." -Franchesca
"Uh, OK." -Me
"She really does have feelings for you still." -Franchesca
"I thought she hated me." -Me
"No. She's in love with you. And she wants to talk to you again. Should I give her your number?" -Franchesca
"I'm cool off of that. She called me when I moved AND changed my number, I don't know how the fuck she got it since it's unlisted." -Me
"Oh...i'll tell her you said hi, then?" -Franchesca
"I suppose. Have a good night." -Me

I was actually thinking about Natalie for a lot of the concert, since I heard "Gypsy Rose Lee." I miss her and considered calling her. Then I stopped myself and resolved that we can't even be friends. There's too much attraction between us.

I miss her.

But yeah. Today i'm going to the symphony, the theme is "love." One piece is warmhearted, the other painfully wrenching. I'm the only girl in the world who can go see Brody Armstrong and listen to some Strauss the next day. No wonder I have a hard time finding the right girl for me. I wish Franchesca hadn't said those things, I didn't know she still thought about me that much. I wish I didn't miss her.