bionicfemme

YES!!! I called Natalie!!! I am triumphant in all forms of aerial combat!!!!

"Hello?" -Natalie
"Um yeah. What the fuck do you want?" -Me
"I just wanted to say hi." -Natalie
"That's nice. I could give a shit." -Me
"Listen...I wanted to say i'm sorry for everything i've done." -Natalie
"Oh. Ok. What the fuck was the point of that? I don't think you should ever call me again or try to contact me." -Me
"What??? Why?" -Natalie
"Oh for fuck's sakes Natalie. I hate you. You are one fucked up bitch. What did you think, that you could call me to apologize and we would get married and have babies? Fuck you!" -Me
"No! I just...well, Franchesca saw you at a bar with a girl (Lola) a few days ago and I thought i'd say hi." -Natalie
"That's nice. I don't care. Stop calling me. I never want to talk to you again." -Me
"Listen! I thought if maybe I acted like an asshole to you I would be able to make you hate me and then you would move on and leave me alone...but I couldn't get over you." -Natalie
**Laughing Maniacally** "You bitch! It worked! I hate you! And I did move on! Now go away!" -Me
"Why do you hate me?" -Natalie
"Um, didn't you just say that was the point of you acting like an asshole? To make me hate you? Yeah, you were successful." -Me
"YOU were the one who always called me names and put me down!" -Natalie
"Oh FUCK YOUUUUUU!!! What did I EVER tell you?" -Me
"You told me I was crazy..." -Natalie
"AND YOU WERE! YOU WROTE ME YOUR FUCKING DEATH THREAT!" -Me
"I never wrote that!" -Natalie
"Right. Fuck off!"- Me
"You're weird. I want to talk to the real bionic. The real bionic I fell in love with. I haven't talked to her in months, I miss her." -Natalie
"Uh, this is the real bionic. The real bionic that HATES YOU! Don't give me shit about missing me. You told me I was your fuckingwhoreyourfuckingwhoreyourfuckingwhore and if I was just your whore than why do you still call me? I'm weird? I'm weird!!?? Yeah, i'll be sure to tell myself how 'weird' I am next time I go and screw a virgin and tell her afterwards she's just a "whore" and I used her for her body. You're the whore. You cheated on me with three girls. Go fuck them. Don't waste your breath on me." -Me
"I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU WITH ANYONE!" -Natalie
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You told me about the other women while you were stoned and forgot about it two days later, DUMBASS!!!" -Me
"I didn't have sex with them. I never would have put you in danger like that." -Natalie
"Oh right. You already lied about one thing, why wouldn't you lie about the other? Besides, i'm terribly regretful that I ever slept with you. It was the biggest mistake of my life" -Me
**Almost crying** "You don't mean that, do you?" -Natalie
"Uh, yeah I do. I should have AT LEAST slept with someone who cared about me. Fuck, wow, I was an idiot! Can't make the same mistake twice, no looking back." -Me
"God!!! I still have feelings for you! I realized you loved me more than anyone else...and we had such a good time together. Don't lie and say we didn't. I just wanted to call you to work out our relationship..." -Natalie
"You're a joke! There IS no relationship! We broke up six months ago, and we haven't even talked in three of those months! It's over! Get a clue! I'm over you! And you lost a hot girl who really loved you! YOUR loss, not mine!" -Me
"Well...I just thought that maybe, if you could forgive me...someday I could take you out for a cup of coffee and we could talk civilly." -Natalie
"No. No, we will never have coffee, and I will never see you again. Stop talking to me." -Me
"Fine. I'll talk to you later." -Natalie
"You don't get the point. You'll talk to me never." -Me
"Fine, i'll see you around." -Natalie
"No, you'll see me, um, never." -Me
"Fine, i'll talk to you some other time." -Natalie
"You'll talk to me no other time." -Me
"God! I'm sure i'll see you around." -Natalie
"I believe I just told you that you won't see me at all!!! Get the point?" -Me
"Fine. Bye." -Natalie
"Ha. Bye." -Me

**Plays Final Fantasy battle victory music**

DUN-NUN-NUN-NUUUUN-NUUUUN-NUUUUN-DUN-NUN-NUN!!!!!! (My friend Maria was over when this took place and I promptly started dancing bluegrass style saying I was taken over by the holy spirit)


NATALIE, YOU LOST! YOU LOST IT ALL! I'M ONE OF THE LAST FEW GOOD WOMEN IN THIS WORLD AND YOU BLEW IT!

YEAH, I'LL BE A CONCEITED DICK. I'M HOT AND FUNNY AND NICE AND I TAKE CARE OF PEOPLE I LOVE! AND YOU STILL CALL ME BECAUSE I GIVE YOU "ELECTRIC PRIVATE SYNDROME!"

You think about me every time you fuck some other girl and you will for the rest of your life.

FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!