Current soundtrack: #1 Crush by Garbage
Does anybody else love this song as much as I do? Although I have many, many self-proclaimed theme songs, at times I think this is the one that fits me best. I've adopted it since 8th grade.
Talked with Stacey tonight and she told me she likes me, that she wants to keep dating me. She explained that she has just been going through some shit recently and has been in a bad mood. She says she thinks we have awesome chemistry together, but that she doesn't want anything serious. Wow, isn't this phrase a codeword for "Be my fuck buddy, be my little bitch?" I am so paranoid when anyone uses that phrase that they'll end up fucking the shit out of me and leaving me like N, who used that phrase liberally on a daily basis.
I guess i'll keep seeing her. My standards have basically degenerated to the point where I think, "As long as she isn't beating me, it's all good." Ick. Actually, it isn't that bad, i'm exaggerating. Stacey seems pretty cool. Maybe if I hung out with her enough, I could trick her into actually caring about me. WTF. Maybe a girl should try to convince me to like HER, wouldn't that be a good idea for once?
I don't know. She told me that the moment she got really attracted to me was when she saw me dancing on stage, that she thought that was sexy and that she wanted me really bad. Hmmph. That stage persona is me but it isn't. Like a character in one of my stories. Just a facet of me. Not an illusion, just a fragment.
And I think my idea of love is a Romantic notion, like nostalgia for a past untouched by wars, famine, or hatred. It simply doesn't exist. A girl around the ages of 20-28 that wants a relationship that lasts more than two days does not exist in San Francisco. It's all some sort of bullshit communist lie. The only thing that exists is a mass amount of people who want to fuck you and not be responsible for sticking around longer than 2 weeks. After all, it's more fun to fuck a lot of people whenever you want than one person for 6 months, isn't it. And then you don't even have to put yourself at risk by caring, you don't have to worry about who you hurt or being hurt yourself.
I was a complete, fucking idiot for ever believing in love. I was a child, a stupid child. It's about as real as Santa Claus, your mom eats the cookies, your sentimentality eats the reality. Why would I want one person for a year anyway, everybody else is right and I am wrong. Why be committed, people will only take advantage of you and hurt you. Nobody sees your heroism, only you do. Do unto others as you would never do unto yourself. Why did it take me 20 years to realize what I have concluded tonight? If everybody else believes in polyamory and I am the last girl in the world that wants a committed relationship that is under 65, everybody else is right, I am wrong, and I always was.
Does anybody else love this song as much as I do? Although I have many, many self-proclaimed theme songs, at times I think this is the one that fits me best. I've adopted it since 8th grade.
Talked with Stacey tonight and she told me she likes me, that she wants to keep dating me. She explained that she has just been going through some shit recently and has been in a bad mood. She says she thinks we have awesome chemistry together, but that she doesn't want anything serious. Wow, isn't this phrase a codeword for "Be my fuck buddy, be my little bitch?" I am so paranoid when anyone uses that phrase that they'll end up fucking the shit out of me and leaving me like N, who used that phrase liberally on a daily basis.
I guess i'll keep seeing her. My standards have basically degenerated to the point where I think, "As long as she isn't beating me, it's all good." Ick. Actually, it isn't that bad, i'm exaggerating. Stacey seems pretty cool. Maybe if I hung out with her enough, I could trick her into actually caring about me. WTF. Maybe a girl should try to convince me to like HER, wouldn't that be a good idea for once?
I don't know. She told me that the moment she got really attracted to me was when she saw me dancing on stage, that she thought that was sexy and that she wanted me really bad. Hmmph. That stage persona is me but it isn't. Like a character in one of my stories. Just a facet of me. Not an illusion, just a fragment.
And I think my idea of love is a Romantic notion, like nostalgia for a past untouched by wars, famine, or hatred. It simply doesn't exist. A girl around the ages of 20-28 that wants a relationship that lasts more than two days does not exist in San Francisco. It's all some sort of bullshit communist lie. The only thing that exists is a mass amount of people who want to fuck you and not be responsible for sticking around longer than 2 weeks. After all, it's more fun to fuck a lot of people whenever you want than one person for 6 months, isn't it. And then you don't even have to put yourself at risk by caring, you don't have to worry about who you hurt or being hurt yourself.
I was a complete, fucking idiot for ever believing in love. I was a child, a stupid child. It's about as real as Santa Claus, your mom eats the cookies, your sentimentality eats the reality. Why would I want one person for a year anyway, everybody else is right and I am wrong. Why be committed, people will only take advantage of you and hurt you. Nobody sees your heroism, only you do. Do unto others as you would never do unto yourself. Why did it take me 20 years to realize what I have concluded tonight? If everybody else believes in polyamory and I am the last girl in the world that wants a committed relationship that is under 65, everybody else is right, I am wrong, and I always was.