Well. Please sit down. Are you ready for how this date turned out?
SHE WAS A MOTHER OF A SEVEN YEAR OLD AND WAS ARRESTED FOR BURGLARY TWICE.
Oh my GOD. There comes a point where a gay woman has to break, and I have. Here are some lovely excerpts from the date.
"So you spent a third of your life in Kansas, huh? I did too!" -Ann
"Gosh, a Kansas girl...must be why you're so cute.
" -Me
"I was kicked out of three junior highs and five high schools when I was a teenager." -Ann
"Um...why?" -Me
"I don't know. They just kicked me out for no reason. Isn't that weird?" -Ann
DUH-NUH-NUH!!!!
"So in high school, that's when I had my baby." -Ann
"Baby???" -Me
"Yes, she's 7 now, almost 8." -Ann
(OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING) -Me (in my head)
"My email ends with 211 because I was arrested for a 211 twice." -Ann
"Well...what is a 211?" -Me
"Burglary. I was caught robbing somebody's house. Twice. But you know...it wasn't a big deal, they kind of arrested me for no reason" -Ann
DUH-NUH-NUH DUH-NUH-NUH DUH-NUH-NUH DUH-NUH-NUH DUH-NUH-NUH DUH-NUH-NUH
DUH-NUH-NUH DUH-NUH-NUH DUH-NUH-NUH.
So I walked her to her bus stop, she gave me a cheap hug and said "Well maybe i'll call you up someday or see your around."
She was not only a criminal, and a mother of a child ALMOST AS OLD AS MY LITTLE SISTER.
She was not attracted to me.
I was drunk and started screaming in the middle of Castro. I went outside "Brownies for my bitches" which is a club for lesbians.
"I HATE ALL OF YOU! THIS CITY IS A FUCKING PSYCH WARD! I WILL NEVER DATE A GIRL THAT IS NOT INSANE BECAUSE THIS IS A FUUUUCKING PSYCH WAAAAAARD! YOU ARE ALL CRAZY! YOU ARE SICK! I AM NOT LIKE YOU! I AM NOT LIKE YOU! I AM NOT LIKE YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!! THREE YEARS OF DATING YOU AND YOU ARE ALLLLLL INSAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -Me, screaming at the top of my lungs and making wild gestulations
So I stopped. The girls outside said nothing. Two kissed each other. I held out my hand to the side, snapped it, and instantly a cab came. It was sort of a stylish movement wasted on absolutely nothing.
I called onefoolishline from the cab and started crying and laughing hysterically at the same time. "A BURGLAR! A MOTHERFUCKING BURGLAR!!! WITH A KID ALMOST AS OLD AS MY SISTER!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!! NO! NOBODY FOR ME THAT IS SANE! NO!!!!! I JUST GET TO HEAR OTHER PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THE LOVELY GIRLS THEY FUCK AND I GET TO DATE PEOPLE INDICTED FOR SHIT!!!!!"
Came home. Screamed. Clark smoked outside with me. I stopped but I started again tonight because, well...hurt people smoke. That's just what they do. I don't know what i'm going to do right now. I think i'm going to listen to Rob Zombie, turn my stereo all the way up and get VERY, VERY stoned.
I realized tonight there is a God.
AND HE IS SHITTING ON ME!!!!
SHE WAS A MOTHER OF A SEVEN YEAR OLD AND WAS ARRESTED FOR BURGLARY TWICE.
Oh my GOD. There comes a point where a gay woman has to break, and I have. Here are some lovely excerpts from the date.
"So you spent a third of your life in Kansas, huh? I did too!" -Ann
"Gosh, a Kansas girl...must be why you're so cute.
" -Me
"I was kicked out of three junior highs and five high schools when I was a teenager." -Ann
"Um...why?" -Me
"I don't know. They just kicked me out for no reason. Isn't that weird?" -Ann
DUH-NUH-NUH!!!!
"So in high school, that's when I had my baby." -Ann
"Baby???" -Me
"Yes, she's 7 now, almost 8." -Ann
(OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING) -Me (in my head)
"My email ends with 211 because I was arrested for a 211 twice." -Ann
"Well...what is a 211?" -Me
"Burglary. I was caught robbing somebody's house. Twice. But you know...it wasn't a big deal, they kind of arrested me for no reason" -Ann
DUH-NUH-NUH DUH-NUH-NUH DUH-NUH-NUH DUH-NUH-NUH DUH-NUH-NUH DUH-NUH-NUH
DUH-NUH-NUH DUH-NUH-NUH DUH-NUH-NUH.
So I walked her to her bus stop, she gave me a cheap hug and said "Well maybe i'll call you up someday or see your around."
She was not only a criminal, and a mother of a child ALMOST AS OLD AS MY LITTLE SISTER.
She was not attracted to me.
I was drunk and started screaming in the middle of Castro. I went outside "Brownies for my bitches" which is a club for lesbians.
"I HATE ALL OF YOU! THIS CITY IS A FUCKING PSYCH WARD! I WILL NEVER DATE A GIRL THAT IS NOT INSANE BECAUSE THIS IS A FUUUUCKING PSYCH WAAAAAARD! YOU ARE ALL CRAZY! YOU ARE SICK! I AM NOT LIKE YOU! I AM NOT LIKE YOU! I AM NOT LIKE YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!! THREE YEARS OF DATING YOU AND YOU ARE ALLLLLL INSAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -Me, screaming at the top of my lungs and making wild gestulations
So I stopped. The girls outside said nothing. Two kissed each other. I held out my hand to the side, snapped it, and instantly a cab came. It was sort of a stylish movement wasted on absolutely nothing.
I called onefoolishline from the cab and started crying and laughing hysterically at the same time. "A BURGLAR! A MOTHERFUCKING BURGLAR!!! WITH A KID ALMOST AS OLD AS MY SISTER!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!! NO! NOBODY FOR ME THAT IS SANE! NO!!!!! I JUST GET TO HEAR OTHER PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THE LOVELY GIRLS THEY FUCK AND I GET TO DATE PEOPLE INDICTED FOR SHIT!!!!!"
Came home. Screamed. Clark smoked outside with me. I stopped but I started again tonight because, well...hurt people smoke. That's just what they do. I don't know what i'm going to do right now. I think i'm going to listen to Rob Zombie, turn my stereo all the way up and get VERY, VERY stoned.
I realized tonight there is a God.
AND HE IS SHITTING ON ME!!!!
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
ltrain:
wow, i have no luck with chicks either. hence my celibacy. just tired of wasting good energy on people that are worthless. but i think someday happiness will come to everyone who deserves it. its just a matter of when and where. hang in there kid, i feel your pain. yeah come to l.a. though!!! we're alot cooler and cuter. 
psmith:
I think i need to send you a carton of Camel Reds.