bionicfemme

I wish I could love you romantically, but I just can't
I wish I could love you romantically, but I just can't
I wish I could love you romantically, but I just can't
I wish I could love you romantically, but I just can't

"I want to go home to mama."
"Stop crying. If you are a strong girl, you won't cry. You don't want to bother your mama, do you?"
"I want to go home to mama."
"Stop crying. If you are a strong girl, you won't cry. You don't want to bother your mama, do you?"
"I want to go home to mama."
"Stop crying. If you are a strong girl, you won't cry. You don't want to bother your mama, do you?"
"I want to go home to mama."
"Stop crying. If you are a strong girl, you won't cry. You don't want to bother your mama, do you?"

"You are a worthless piece of shit and you will never amount to anything."
"You are a worthless piece of shit and you will never amount to anything."
"You are a worthless piece of shit and you will never amount to anything."
"You are a worthless piece of shit and you will never amount to anything."

"Why in the hell would you pick out this Christmas present? You worthless, ungrateful child."
"Why in the hell would you pick out this Christmas present? You are a worthless, ungrateful child."
"Why in the hell would you pick out this Christmas present? You are a worthless, ungrateful child."
"Why in the hell would you pick out this Christmas present? You are a worthless, ungrateful child."

"You can't break up with me. Nobody will ever fall in love with you."
"You can't break up with me. Nobody will ever fall in love with you."
"You can't break up with me. Nobody will ever fall in love with you."
"You can't break up with me. Nobody will ever fall in love with you."

These statements have been told to me my whole life and the voices are getting so strong that I have to scream not to hear them anymore. I have tried to ignore them but once I fell from a two story building trying to run away from home and another time I screamed "SHUT UP! STOP TELLING ME I AM WORTHLESS CHILD!" and held a butcher knife to my belly in the kitchen back home. My mother laughed and said, "If you want to do it, go ahead." She walked out of the room. I pressed the blade against my skin and I nearly threw up. My hands weakend and I dropped it, leaning against the counter, shivering.

To some degree these statements have all been true. Natalie said nobody would ever fall in love with me and it has been over a year now that I have been wasting my life waiting for it to happen.

I nearly went insane last summer. I wanted to die when she threatened to cut me with a knife. She said the maggots lived in my body so I nearly took a bottle of pills to cure me of them. I threw the bottle across the room and forced myself to spend the day volunteering at a shelter. I created the Bionic Femme character to force myself not to die.

There is no God. If there is, he is sick.

My parents have thrown me away when they got bored of me.
My lovers have thrown me away when they got bored of me.

When I tell them I love them they tell me to go away. Either that or, "Don't ever talk to me about your feelings. Just get me off in bed." HA!

I will go away.
I will go away.
I will go away.
I will go away.

I told you all once that one day I would combust in holographic glitter. I am going to go down in flames and the match is lit. I am pulling up, out, and over, down in flames.

Super Kamikaze Glitter Fun Lucky Happy Destruction Girl!

Everyone on the white side of my family has had nervous breakdowns from alcoholism.


Well, I have dealt with postraumatic stress syndrome, panic attacks, depression, abuse, and being gay.

Honey, I am THERE. And I don't want to fight anymore.