binaryfiendsgone

I think is journal is making me realize how crazy I really am and how quickly my outlook can change. I am probably overreacting but I guess maybe I just get carried away with hope sometimes. So what does this ranting have to do with? Mainly women. which always seems to be a big problem but now that I think of it maybe I am actually being smart here.

Ok, so this is the situation. I met a girl (Kristin) this weekend and she and I were immediately drawn to each other. Things started moving pretty quickly and we ended up hanging out the other night. I think I was too forward with her but she didnt seem to give me any signals otherwise. Anyhow, I spoke to her yesterday and it was cool but I felt a certain tension. I was feeling sort of weird about it too. I felt like I acted the way I did because of my attraction towards her but I shouldnt be acting that way because I really do hardly know her. I mean I have seen her about 4 times since we met. I KNOW that I dont want to get mixed up in a situation where I could hurt someone and/or myself cause I jumped into things to quickly. Anyhow, I called her back a little later and apologized and she thanked me for that and admitted to the fact that yes I was too forward. I think I may have botched my chances with her already though cause I still picked up on a little strangeness. If that is the case, so be it. If not well then I look forward to getting to know her SLOWLY.

I mean shit, I am single and for once in my life I am actually enjoying it instead of whining about being lonely all the time. I think you reach a point where you realize that being alone isnt that bad. It is actually really good. I mean I have all the time in the world to do the things that I need to do. I am starting school soon and between that, work and my own personal freelance work, I dont know that I really have the time to devote to a girlfriend. By that I mean, I dont think that I could give a woman the time she deserves from me. So I dig this girl but I dont know whats going to happen and to be quite honest I am trying not to worry or stress about it. I have had enough female-based stress and cant even bring myself to be drawn into emotion. Maybe that is residual because of what I have been to with my ex (April). I cant really bring myself to care too much. I mean even Aprils old tricks seem to glance of me whenever I receive a random e-mail.

I just hope I dont stay this way. I mean I am hopeful about this Kristin situation but I picked up on something from the tone of her voice and I am not sure what it is but it wasnt good. Sooo blah. I guess I will just try to keep my head on straight and my heart in check. Sides, I am too poor to be dating and everyone knows poor people shouldnt procreateLOL